MEG'S NOT DEAF ... or is she?

It was time for Megan to brush her teeth before heading to bed. I know this, because I had already asked her twice to do so. She had just found her baby doll that pees about 10 minutes earlier, and had to give her a drink so she could pee in her potty chair before turning in for the night. Perfectly understandable, and yet ...

Me: Megan, it's time to brush your teeth.

Megan: I know, I know. I just need to give my baby some water and let her pee.

Me: Now is not the time for that. It's time to brush your teeth.

Megan continues to give water to her baby doll.

Henry: Meg, did you hear what Mom said?

Megan: I heard her! I'm not deaf!! Wait, what did she say? Brush my teeth?

Silly Bandz

Have you seen these?

They're like the jelly bracelets of the 80's,

only shaped like stuff (animals, fruit, etc.)

Girls trade them with each other.

My girls each have between 25-30,

and want more. They're obsessed.

Before dinner tonight, Megan asked how much a pack of 24 Silly Bandz cost. I told her about $6.00. Soon after, she offered to pray for our dinner:

Dear Jesus, thank You for this day. Thank you that we could be safe. Please give me $6.00 so I can get a 24 pack of Silly Bandz. And please bless the food. Amen.

After the prayer, Amanda, Henry and I started eating. Megan just sat there.

Henry: Meg, are you gonna' eat?

Megan: I'm waiting for the $6.00 so I can get more Silly Bandz.

Oh boy.

More Vintage Meg

The following took place when Megan was about 2 years old.

Why so many of the posts about Megan have to do with poop and farting, I'll never know, but here goes.

She was sitting on my lap one day when she let one rip. I waited several seconds for the follow up "excuse me", and when it didn't come, I said: MEGAN!! What do you SAY?!?!?

She thought about it for a little while, then exclaimed: AMEN!!

So be it.

Back to School Night

One of two Back to School nights was tonight. At our house, the most popular time to spill drinks (especially sticky ones) would be either when dad's not home and mom's exhausted, or when we're trying to get somewhere on time.

Tonight I was exhausted and trying to get to BTS night on time, so I shouldn't have been surprised when Amanda tipped her glass of apple juice all over the table, floor and dinner plate.

I must have reacted okay to this highly irritating situation, because Amanda just shrugged her shoulders and said in a light hearted voice, "Oops! Sorry, Mom." Then practically skipped into another room to read while I dealt with the mess, and fixed her another plate of food.

We ended up being about 15 minutes late to BTS night. The kids played on the school playground (supervised) while we parents met the teachers and saw the classrooms.

It was all said and done by 8:15 p.m., so I called out to my girls that it was time to go. Megan said she had something in her eye. She thought it was part of a wood chip.

Me: Well, let's wash it out with water before we leave.

Megan: No, it'll be okay. It doesn't hurt that bad.

Me: Let's just get some water and wash it out just in case.

Megan: I don't need to!

Me: I really think you should.

Megan: No!

Me: Fine, let's go.

Well don'tcha know, about half way home, Megan started screaming bloody murder,

Megan: MY EYE!! MY EYE! OWWWWWIEEEEE!!! MY EYE!! MOM, MY EYE!! AAAHHHH!!!

Are you even kidding me?

Me: Megan, I'm sorry, but there is nothing I can do for you until we get home. I wish you'd let me get some water to wash it out while we were still at the school.

I do know a thing or two. Not that anyone thinks so.

By the time we got home, she'd cried enough to wash the splinter to a more tolerable place in her eye. Then a few minutes after being inside, she came and showed me the very large speck of wood that had finally come out.

Megan: See Mom, I told ya I didn't need to wash it out with water.

Me: Silly me.

Just Say "No" to Birds Too

Megan is a lot like me. You don't want to be around her when she hasn't had enough sleep. This afternoon her sleep deprivation was all too apparent, so I made the call that Henry and Amanda would go to Costco without us. There was no way I was taking that out in public.

While they were gone, Megan decided she wanted to earn some money by doing chores. So we wrote down some ideas for a chore chart. She approved all the tasks, save one: cleaning up dog poop.

Megan: Mom, does a pet bird cost less money than a bunny?

Me: Yes, I think so.

Megan: How much?

Me: I have no idea, $25 maybe?

Megan: Good, 'cuz that's what I want to buy with the money I earn.

Me: Megan, we've been through this before. You are not getting another pet. We already have 2 dogs that you don't take care of, and that's it. No more pets.

Megan: How much is a cage and bird seed?

Me: It doesn't matter, because you're NOT getting a bird.

Megan: Mom, it'll be fine. And I'll make Amanda pet it while it's still in the cage so it won't get out and fly around and poop on stuff.

Me: We can't have pets in the house, and even if we could, you're NOT getting another pet until the 2 dogs you have right now are DEAD, got it?

Megan: So when can I start these chores? I need more than $25 for the bird, cage and bird seed.

Me: Megan, do you ever wonder why I talk to you at all?

Megan: Huh? What are you even talking about?

Me: My point exactly.

Book Reports

Last week the girls returned to school. Megan is in 2nd grade and Amanda is in 4th. Megan gave me a daily rating on 2nd grade that first week back. Every afternoon she greeted me by exclaiming, "AWESOME!" Whew!

With week 2 comes homework (Is this really necessary?!) Megan's teacher requires her class to do 2 book reports each week. They were introduced to this task last week, so naturally Megan feels that she's an expert on the matter.

This afternoon I had her pick out a book to read so that we could get 1 of the reports out of the way. She returned with "There's a Wocket in my Pocket". Perfect.

Then, before reading it, she pulled out the book report form and asked me to help her fill it out ...

Megan: Mom, can you help me with this?

Me: After you read the book I can.

Megan: Mom! I need your help filling this out BEFORE I read the book!

Me: BEFORE you can do the book report, you have to READ THE BOOK.

I'm sorry, but does that sound like such an outlandish expectation? To read a book before writing a report on it? (No comments about Cliffs Notes, please. This is Dr. Seuss we're talking about here.)

Megan (stomping away from the kitchen table and down the hallway to her bedroom): YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT BOOK REPORTS!!!!!

Mom's take on the first night of 2nd grade homework:

NOT AWESOME.

Vintage Meg

Before starting this blog, I shared most of my parenting moments on Facebook. The other day I was reiminded of this story, and decided that it needed to be part of my blog archive. So, my apologies to those of you who've read it before.

Our family was enjoying a lovely dinner at Costco one evening when Megan announced that she had to go to the bathroom. So, I reluctantly set my then-warm piece of pizza down and escorted her to the facilities.

After waiting about 6 minutes for her to finish, I asked, "Megan, are you done yet?"

She replied LOUDLY, "I'm going poop! When it drops, you'll know I'm done!!"

And she was right.

Meg on Marriage

Meg: Do I have to get a husband when I'm older?

Me: Not if you don't want one.

Meg: I don't want a husband, but I do want 2 kids. Can I do that?

Me: If you want kids, you're gonna' want a husband. Kids need a mom and a dad.

Meg: Ugh.

Heavenly Steak

During the girls stay with my folks, Grandma Judi took them to Black Angus for their favorite-hardly-ever-get-to-have-meal: STEAK!!

My mom relayed the following entertaining dinner conversation to me:

While stuffing her face with filet mignon ...

Megan: I loooove steak. It's like heaven in my mouth. Grandma, will we eat in heaven?

Grandma: Well, the Bible talks about the Supper of the Lamb.

Megan: ONE supper?! Ugh. What about sleep? Will we be able to take naps?

Grandma: It will be light all the time, because Jesus is the Light. So we probably won't sleep since there won't be night time in heaven.

Megan: Oh MAN. So in heaven I'm gonna' be nothing but starved and exhausted?!

Ah ... the concerns of a tired, steak-lovin' 7 year old.

Dinner Time!

As soon as we got home from school, Megan called her neighbor friend down the street. We'll call her "Nikki", since that's her name. Meg invited Nikki to come over and swim, so it was no surprise that she arrived in her swimsuit and cover-up. The surprise (sort of) came when Meg & Nikki decided to play with Polly Pockets instead of swim. I told Meg that dinner would be ready soon, but that didn't change their course. Swimming was no match for Polly.

Dinner was almost ready ...

Me: Meg, dinner's almost ready. You and Nikki have 2 more minutes to play, then she'll have to go home because it'll be dinner, baths and bedtime.

Meg: But we haven't gone swimming yet!

Me: It's not my fault you chose Polly Pockets over swimming.

I finished up dinner preparations ...

Me: Okay, dinner's ready.

Megan came into the kitchen with Nikki, who proceeded to take off her cover-up.

Megan: Mom, we're just gonna' go for a quick swim.

Me: Uh, no you're not. Dinner is ready. That means that Nikki has to go home.

Megan: Okay, but after dinner could she come back for a night swim?

Me: Meh-gaan. Dinner, baths, bedtime, remember?!

Nikki: Okay Megan, let's just play house instead.

Nice to know that my kids aren't the only kids who don't listen to me.

They're BACK

The girls had a wonderful time at Grandma & Grandpa's. I had a wonderful time while they were at Grandma & Grandpa's.

They're back.

Following are a few moments with them so far ...

"Snack Size" McFlurry, yeah right.

We had to run a couple errands after school, and the girls were starving. They told me that McDonald's now has a snack size McFlurry, and asked if they could get one? Sure, why not ... it's under 2 bucks, and won't ruin their appetite for dinner.

I drove up and placed my order.

Me: 2 snack size Oreo McFlurry's please.

Them: I'm sorry, we're all out of the snack size cups.

Me: That's okay, we'll take the snack size McFlurry in a regular size cup.

Them: Okay, that'll be $5.38 at the middle drive-thru window.

Me: Uh ... if you're gonna' charge me for 2 regular size McFlurry's, then by all means fill 'em up.

Okay, is this a total scam?! Does McDonald's really have snack size McFlurry's? Has anyone out there actually ordered and received one?

Bathroom Barge-In

I think I've mentioned once or twice that our bathroom door doesn't lock. You'd think I would know by now to lock the bedroom door when I'm wanting a little potty privacy. Maybe tomorrow.

So I'm on the throne, and Amanda throws the door open.

Me: Amanda!! Why do YOU lock the bathroom door when YOU go to the bathroom?!

Amanda: Oh, right. Sorry.

Will she remember this profound conversation tomorrow? Probably not. I better remember to lock the bedroom door.

Prayer Time with Meg

Sometimes Megan likes to pray silently to herself before I say my prayer. Tonight was such a night.

Megan: I'm gonna' pray a silent prayer tonight.

Me: Go for it.

About 2 minutes later ...

Megan: Aw man!

Me: What?

Megan: I messed up!

Me: But it was silent.

Megan: I know! Now I have to start over!

Me: Silently?

Megan: Yep.

Life Without Kids: Observation #13

Um, a LOT of people have been telling me how relaxed I look without children. How am I supposed to take this, I wonder? I must look like a big ball 'o stress the rest of the time. Whatever the case, I DO feel relaxed, and can't thank my parents enough for the time they've given to me AND my girls. For so many reasons, this has been by FAR my favorite summer. (This includes the times I actually spent with my girls, by the way!)

Observation #13: I miss my girls!!

I know, I never thought I'd type those words either. Go figure. I can't say I miss their fighting, or telling me they're bored, or that they don't like what we're having for "dinner" (if you can call one of my meals that.) But yeah, I miss the little goof-balls. And I have it recorded on my answering machine that Megan misses me too, so THAT'S a relief!!

Life Without Kids: Observation #12

Last hurrah tonight with friends at Farmer's Market. Had a fantastic time eating, laughing, and eating some more.

Observation #12: I do not miss seeing Hannah Montana or Sponge Bob Square Pants on my TV one iota. (Apparently I'm fine with having the news on 24/7. Okay, the news or Wipeout. Either one.)

Mother/daughter reunion in approximately 18 hours ...

Life Without Kids: Observation #11

I will be reunited with my girls in approximately 45 hours. My mom called today, so I was able to talk to Amanda. She said they were going to the San Francisco Zoo today, and probably Great America tomorrow. Reality is gonna' bite. For all of us.

Observation #11: I still don't like to cook.

I guess I thought I might warm up to the idea if the pressure of having to cook for everyone was removed. Um, no. If you don't like to cook, YOU DON'T LIKE TO COOK, no matter how many people are (or aren't) staring at you, begging with their hollow eyes.

It's 7:30 p.m., and so far for dinner I've had 3 cookies. Pathetic. Yummy, but pathetic.

Life Without Kids: Observation #10

You know you're a mom when you spend a gift card on back-to-school socks for your kids. Anyway ...

Observation #10: Running errands is FUN!

Driving around, listening to adult music, and zipping in and out of stores super fast (or slow if you choose to browse. I almost forgot what "browsing" was.)

A few days ago, Henry and I drove around to like 8 different stores, trying to find casters for the chair and table legs on our patio furniture, and loved every minute of it!

Don't get me wrong. I love my girls, but I also love running errands ALONE.

Life Without Kids: Observation #9

Ask anyone who knew me BC (before children) and they will tell you that I loved my sleep. They might even tell you that I was obsessed with it. In fact, I'm surprised no one did an intervention (although I probably would have just slept through it.)

Observation #9: If given the chance, I can sleep for 11 hours. (The sad thing is that I wanted to go for 12 hours, but my 40 year old back wouldn't let me.)

Life Without Kids: Observation #8

Henry helped with the audio on a local film a couple of weeks ago. Tonight was the wrap party, and you'll never guess where it was ... our house!!

Observation #8: I actually enjoy having guests in my home! I know!! I'm as shocked as you are. I had convinced myself that it's too much work to get the house presentable for a get together. What I didn't take into consideration was the fact that if the kids aren't following you around, and messing up what you just cleaned, getting the house ready isn't that bad.

Oh, here's a tip for any of you out there who don't entertain in your home often, but are considering it: Before inviting 25 people over for a BBQ, check to see if you have propane. (You're welcome.)

Life Without Kids: Observation #7

Observation #7: I arrive ON TIME.

If there's one thing that's bugged me since becoming a mother, it's that being punctual is completely out of my hands!! Ever since my girls entered the world, I have risen at least 2 hours prior to my desired departure time, and we're still late most of the time!! I miss being on time to things. I just do.

Okay, sorry, but this brings up a pet peeve of mine ... unless the power goes out, resulting in an alarm not going off, OR there's car trouble, I can't seem to understand why someone without children would ever arrive late to work, an appointment, etc.

I know I'm gonna' regret typing this out loud ... I'll probably wake up late tomorrow because of a power outage, and THEN have car trouble.

Life Without Kids: Observation #6

Let's just get right to it, shall we?

Observation #6: I have AMAZING taste in MUSIC!!! I had actually forgotten what it was like to listen to anything other than the Jonas Brothers, Justin Bieber, and the like. Henry and I drove all over town today listening to a little Michael Buble' and Daughtry. Happiness. :)

Life Without Kids: Observation #5

Day 5 sans children, and guess what?!


Observation #5: Without kids I can go an entire day without having to raise my voice or repeat myself ("For the 10th time, BRUSH YOUR TEETH!!")

It's true.

Life Without Kids: Observation #4

So here we are, day 4 without the kiddos. They called me today to get my recipe for cream cheese frosting to go with the gumdrop cookies they were making with Grandma. Yeah, they're having a rotten time.

Observation #4: This observation is one that I probably shouldn't document, but since I suspect that I'm not the only mom out there who struggles with this, I'm gonna' put it out there. Consider yourself warned.

Okay ... without the kids here, not only have I found that I have the desire, but more importantly, I also have the energy to, uh, well, you know. Can you even imagine? Having desire AND energy AT THE SAME TIME?!?!? (My husband will probably ban any further posts after this one.)

I think Madeline Kahn said it best in "Young Frankenstein" when she sang ... "Ah! Sweet mystery of life at last I found you ..."

Life Without Kids: Observation #3

Today is the 3rd day without my girls.

Observation #3: I forgot what it was like to be in the bathroom, and not have a child barge in without knocking!! The privacy is almost eerie, but I'm diggin' it.

Life Without Kids: Observation #2

So this is Day 2 without my girls. My mom called to let me know they were doing fine, were a pleasure to be with (big sigh of relief here), and that thanks to their use of the BugZooka, there are no longer any spiders on their ranch! (Hey, as long as Meg doesn't want to bring all the spiders home with her ... remember her "summer souvenir"?)

Observation #2: I love going on dates with my husband!

Tonight was our first date in several months.

I think our last dinner for two was around Christmas time? How did we let this happen? I guess it's just easier to take the kids along, or stay home, than arrange for a sitter. Whatever the case, we went to The Cheesecake Factory and had a fabulous dinner with delightful, uninterrupted conversation. I didn't even have to take anyone to the bathroom! To be able to sit and eat a hot meal in one setting without taking 1 if not 2 trips to the little girl's room? Priceless.

Here's a photo of us getting reacquainted. :)

Life Without Kids: Observation #1

The girls are with Grandpa Ralph and Grandma Judi for the next couple of weeks. (I KNOW!) This allows me to return to my full-time work schedule these last two weeks before school resumes, without having to put Amanda & Megan in daycare. Thank you, Mom & Dad!!!



Since the girls aren't here to provide any current blog material, I thought I would post daily observations of this momma's life without kids. But before I do, please know that I already miss them terribly. I had to be at work by 7:30 this morning, so Henry stayed home until they left. He emailed me later with this message: The girls have left the building. What are your plans for tonight, besides being asleep by 5:00 p.m.? (He knows me so well!) Anyway, as soon as I read that message, a wave of sadness came over me. Go figure.



Okay ...


Observation #1: An hour and a half at Target without kids, absolutely flies by. I kept walking around in a daze. Do other people actually get to look at greeting cards, uninterrupted for like 20 minutes?! And how 'bout standing in the check-out line without someone begging for bubble gum or a candy bar? It was completely surreal. I'm still numb, if you want to know the truth.

Lame Game?

My girls were introduced to the "Slug Bug" car game sometime last year. You know the one where if you see a VW Bug, you get to yell "Slug Bug!" and hit the person sitting next to you?

What better game for siblings to play than one that gives them permission to hit each other?!

Last week, they took the game to a new obnoxious level. Now it's not only "Slug Bug", but "Cruiser Bruiser", "Jeep Beep" and "Hummer Bummer", oh and don't forget to say, "No backs" after each car sighting, for who knows why.

Because of this game, we can't even have a 2 sentence conversation without one of them yelling out such a phrase and then hitting her sister. It's like having daughters with tourettes.

Today they were at it again, and I was just about ready to ban the game altogether when I heard something of interest ...

Megan: Cop Bop, no backs!

Me: Cop, as in Police?

Amanda: Yeah.

Megan: Mom, did you just speed?

Me: Huh? Slug Bug, no backs!!

I guess the game's not that annoying.