Monday, April 30, 2012

We're BORING!!

When I went into Amanda's room last night to pray with her, she was nowhere to be found.

Then she jumped up from behind her bed and yelled, "Boo!!"

Me:  Why do you do that?

Amanda:  Because!  Our family is BORING!

Me:  Oh really?

Amanda:  Yeah, like Niagara Falls.

Me:  You've never even been to Niagara Falls, so how would you know that it's boring?

Amanda:  My point exactly.

Wait, did I miss something?

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Heavenly Job Security

People are very complimentary in regards to my oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.

The other day while Megan was eating a couple of them ... 

Megan:  I bet you'll have an oven in your mansion in heaven.

Me:  Why is that?

Megan:  So you can bake everyone these cookies!

Me:  So while everyone else is worshiping Jesus, I'll be baking cookies?

Megan:  Uh huh.

Great.  Just call me "Martha" 
(Luke 10:38-42).

Wednesday, April 25, 2012


Several weeks ago the girls and I met up with some friends at Chipotle for dinner. Now if you don't know what Chipotle is, all I can say is, "I'm sorry." Everyone should have a Chipotle restaurant in their neighborhood. Period.

Okay, so next door to this Chipotle is a pizza-by-the-slice place, and Megan really wanted pizza instead of Mexican food, so I gave her $20 to go buy herself a slice.

When she returned, I asked her for the change. She handed me a measly $5.00.

Me: Uh, yeah, I'll get the rest from you later.

She just stared at me, pretending to be clueless. As if I would honestly think that one slice of pizza cost $15.00.  What's that saying ... I might have been born at night, but it wasn't last night!

Anyway, later in the car on our way home ...

Me: Okay Megan, give me the rest of the change.

Megan: What change?

Me: The change that's in your pocket.

Megan: I only have 15 cents in my pocket.

Me: Megan, I gave you a 20 dollar bill. You can't expect me to believe that the only change you got was 5 dollars and 15 cents.

Megan: Well you never asked me for the change under my BOTTOM.

At this point she starts laughing hysterically, because she's just so darn funny.

Me: Fine. Give me the change under your BOTTOM.

And you can bet your bottom dollar she handed me 10 bucks.  

Little stinker.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Who Needs Collagen?

From time to time our refrigerator's ice dispenser freezes up. Literally.

Tonight, after emptying the ice from the removable caddy, I tried to remove the caddy, but it was frozen to the refrigerator door.  So I pulled and I pulled until it finally came loose ... hitting me square in the mouth!!  

No, that did NOT feel good. 

And when I looked in the mirror, I realized it didn't LOOK good either.  I had succeeded in giving myself a fat lip.  NICE!!

A few minutes later ...

Me:  Meg, does my lip look any different?

Megan:  No. Except for being red right there and puffy right there.

Me:  Okay, thanks.

Good to know it's not noticeable.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Texting Trouble

If you live near me, please don't mention this post in front of my girls. And please don't read this to your children if they know my children. Agreed? Thanks.

Tonight as I was tucking Megan into bed, she mentioned that she'd had a weird text from someone she didn't know. It went like this ...

Mary (friend from school): Hi Megan. I'm home sick.

Megan: Are you feeling better?

Megan: Are you there?

?: I think you have the wrong number.

Megan: Who are you?

?: Deena

Megan: What is your foul name?


It was then that I explained the importance of spelling.

Oh, and that FULL is not spelled F-O-U-L.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Day Lights

While waiting in the Taco Bell drive thru at 4:30 p.m. ...

Amanda pointing to the decorative lights on the outside of the building: Why are the lights on?! It's not even dark out.

Megan: Because they look AWESOME, duh!!

Me: Or because they're on a timer that hasn't been changed since Daylight Savings.

Yeah, Meg's answer was better.

Photo from here.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Sweet Dreams

I never know what bedtime prayers with Megan will hold. When it comes to requesting things from God, she knows what she wants and isn't afraid to ask for it.

Meg's prayer tonight ...

Dear Jesus, thank you for this day.
Thank you that everyone can be safe.
And please keep me safe tomorrow too.
And please let me dream about milk and Uggs.
In Jesus' name, amen.

That's right ... Milk and Uggs.

Only Meg.

Sweet dreams everyone.
Whatever that may mean.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

The Way They Were

Today while I thought everyone was still on the other side of the house, I snuck into my bedroom to change into my jammies. Oh sure, it was only 4:30 in the afternoon, but once I'm home from work, I'm HOME FROM WORK. I can't get comfortable fast enough.

Anyway, the next thing I knew, Megan was barging into my room with Henry on her heels ...

Megan yelling so her dad could hear her: Dad, WAIT!!! Do NOT come in here!! Mom's taking off her BRA and it ISN'T pretty!

And that right there is the thanks I get for nursing her 12 months.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

5th Grade Taste Buds

The names in this post have been changed to protect the innocent. Well, not the innocent, really, just those whom I don't have permission to blog about.

Amanda and her friend Lacie came into my office today. Amanda was holding a tooth ...

Amanda: Mom, look. I pulled my tooth out.

Mom: That was fast.

Amanda: I know, like 2 days. Can I have a Kleenex?

Mom: Here, is it still bleeding?

Amanda: Yeah. I always think the blood tastes like gummy bears.

Mom: Really.

Lacie: Our friend Haley thinks blood tastes like candy corn.

Mom: Okaaay.

Did I miss something growing up, or is this a new thing? 'Cause I don't ever remember blood tasting like candy.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Hair Care

The other day while brushing Megan's hair ...

Me: Meg, there's something stuck in your hair.

Megan: Huh? Where?

Me: Right there. What is it, syrup?

Megan: Hmmm, let me see.

She then proceeded to stick the lock of hair into her mouth to see exactly what it was.

Megan eyes rolling back in her head: Mmmmmm. It's hot fudge from those sundaes last night!!

Me: Lovely.

Monday, April 2, 2012

The Smell of Sick

Last week Amanda got the stomach flu, and it was horrific. As much as I dislike vomiting, I would have gladly taken her place, because she was in such pain and I hate it when I can't help my child get comfortable. :(

That night I decided to have her sleep with me so that I could assist her each time she heaved, without having to run to her room every hour. That worked pretty well, as long as you can sleep while vomit fumes fill your nostrils. And apparently I can. After smelling it all evening, I guess I was used to it.

The next afternoon, Henry was able to stay home with her while I went to work. I work at a school, and while I am not employed as the school nurse, the sick bed happens to be in the office where my desk resides. And for the most part, the kids that come lay down there aren't sick with the flu, but rather have a side cramp from running in PE, or don't like math, so they come to the office and after laying down for a few minutes they are good as new.

Anyway, the entire time I was at work, all I could smell was vomit. I didn't know if I was imagining it, because I'd inhaled it so much during the night, or if my daughter's vomit fumes had somehow lodged inside my nose and set up camp. Whatever the case, the stench made for a VERY long afternoon.

Before leaving work, the registrar came over to wish my family health for the coming weekend. I thanked her saying, "As long as I can get the smell of vomit out of my nose, we'll be fine!"

That's when a light went on and she walked over to the sick bed to find the "throw-up bucket" holding a fair amount of ... you guessed it ... VOMIT. That's right. I not only had the pleasure of smelling Amanda's sickness all night/morning, but then got to come into work and smell some other kid's offering all afternoon!!!!

Good times.