Saturday, July 31, 2010

Moth Murderer

Megan loves catching bugs. She puts them in jars or plastic containers where they usually die within a day or so. Today her focus was on moths. She captured 15. A good day.

Megan: Momma, why did Amanda say I'm gonna' be the reason moths become distinct?

Me: You mean extinct.

Megan: Yeah, why did she say that?

Me: Because whenever you catch a bug, the result is death. If you catch all the moths that are out there, they'll probably all die, and then there will be no more moths. They will be extinct. Which I would be fine with, by the way.

Megan: Well, I don't mean for them to die.

Me: I know you don't, but that's what always happens, right?

Megan: Yeah. Momma?

Me: Hmmm?

Megan: I can't WAIT to catch more moths tomorrow.

Me: I'm sure.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Soccer vs. Sweat

The girls participated in soccer camp this week. After the 3rd day, both girls were hooked. Sort of.

Megan: I looooove soccer! I don't want it to end!

Me: How 'bout you Amanda?

Amanda: I like it, but I don't think I will play soccer during the school year.

Me: Oh? Why is that?

Amanda: I sweat like crazy, and I don't like to sweat.

Me: No, you don't.

On the last day, the soccer players got to go inside the gym and see what the cheerleaders had learned during the week. My girls have participated in cheer clinics before, so I was curious to get their take on soccer vs. cheer.

Me: What did you think of the cheerleaders today?

Megan: Good.

Me: Next year would you rather do cheer or soccer?

Megan: SOCCER!

Amanada: CHEER!

Me: Why cheer, Amanda?

Amanda: Because none of them looked like they had sweat AT ALL.

Me: Sweat. Right.

We live in Fresno. How do I break it to her that sweat is just a part of life here from like May to November?

Monday, July 26, 2010

If you don't wanna' know, don't ask Megan.

Are there any other 40 year olds out there who still get zits after eating chocolate? Thankfully it's not bad enough to make me stop consuming my favorite treat, but STILL.

Okay, so I got a teeny-tiny zit right under my nose a few days ago, and by Sunday morning it was almost gone, but I picked at it (the zit, not my nose) until it bled. I know, I KNOW.

Later I made the mistake of asking Megan about it.

Me: Meg, can you see this zit?

Megan: Yeah.

Me: Okay, but it doesn't look that bad, does it?

Megan: No, just don't let anybody see you.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Prayers for Glasses

Megan wants glasses. She's wanted them for a long time now. Last year she found some in the dollar section at Target, and wears them from time to time. She'd wear them 24/7 if I'd let her, but they're magnifiers and I'm pretty sure that isn't good for your eyes if you don't need them.

At bedtime tonight, Meg asked if she could get another pair of glasses tomorrow. I said "no". She kept asking. I kept saying "no". I finally succeeded in getting her to give it up and move on to prayers, or so I thought.

Me: Dear Jesus, thank You for today and for Megan. Thank You that she had a fun sleep-over and for keeping her safe at the swim party today ...

Megan: And thank you for having Mom buy me glasses tomorrow.

Me: Uh, no, but please heal Max Hinton, our neighbor Bill ...

Megan: And have Mom get me new glasses tomorrow.

Me: Megan, puh-lease.

Megan: What?

Me: Nothing. Amen.

By the way, Megan's birthday is Wednesday, and I've already purchased another pair of clear-lens glasses for her from Claire's. :)

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Jekyll and Hyde?

On Wednesday nights I have choir rehearsal. While I'm there, the girls go to the Explorers kid's program. Last night was Crazy Hat Night. When Megan is rested, she looks forward to going. When she's not, she doesn't. Last night she was not and didn't.

Me: Okay girls, we leave for church in 15 minutes.

Megan: I don't WANT to go to church!

Me: But it's Crazy Hat Night!

Megan: I HATE Crazy Hat Night! I'm not going!!!

Me: Well, I've missed the last 2 choir rehearsals, so we're going whether you like Crazy Hat Night or not.

Megan: I'm not going and you can't make me!!

Me: You are, and I can. You don't have to wear a crazy hat if you don't want to, but you do have to go.

Megan: I'M NOT GOING!!!! Runs to room crying and slams door shut.

A few minutes pass, and Megan comes walking down the hallway to me.

Megan: Mom, would this be a cute outfit to wear tonight to Explorers?

Me: Yep. Very cute. Let's go.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Don't leave home without 'em ... PLEASE!!

Last night we made a Costco run. I love Costco runs. Mostly because it means we'll be eating dinner there, which means I don't have to cook!!

When the girls returned from swimming at a neighbor's house around 6:00 p.m., I told them that we would be going to Costco in a little while, so they needed to get dressed.

10 minutes later, Amanda is dressed and watching TV. I go check on Megan, who is still in her swimsuit, playing with Barbies in her room. I remind her that as soon as Dad gets home, we're leaving for Costco, so she better get dressed.

15 minutes after that, I check on Megan again who is now naked, playing with Barbies in her room (I supposed that's a step in the right direction.)

Me: Meg, you need to get dressed.

Megan: I know. Just a minute.

Me: Now.

Megan: Okay, okay.

She goes to her closet, and pulls down a sundress which she slips over her almost-7-year-old nakedness.

Megan: Mom?

Me: Yes?

Megan: Do I have to wear underwear?

Me: Of COURSE you have to wear underwear!

Megan: UGH!!

You know how most Moms tell their teenage kids to wear clean underwear just in case they're in a car accident? Well apparently I'LL be the Mom telling HER kids to WEAR underwear in case they're in a car accident.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Heavenly Insights

Megan: When we die and go to heaven, will we still be kids?

Amanda: Only if you die when you are a kid.

Megan: Oh.

Amanda: And, Megan, we'll be angels when we get there, and we'll have REAL halos without sticks! They'll just fly over our heads. And we'll have wings so we can fly around. Mom, is it true that you get everything you want in heaven?

Me: All of your desires will be met, but those desires will change when you get to heaven.

Amanda: You know what I used to want when I got to heaven?
A 72" flat screen plasma TV.

Me: Seriously?

Amanda: Yeah.

Me: Well, you probably won't even think about TV in heaven.

Amanda: Yeah, I'll probably just ask for a Bible.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Dumb and Dumber

This morning when I went in to wake Megan up ...

Megan: I slept with Dumb last night?

Me: Dumb? Who's Dumb?

Megan (pointing at a stuffed elephant): Dumb!

Me: Oh! You mean Dumbo!

Megan: No, Dumb.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

My girls are blonde, so when Amanda saw a t-shirt @ Old Navy today that said "Blondie", she wanted to try it on.

While in the dressing room ...

Amanda: I wish people didn't say "Dumb Blondes".

Me: You and me both.

Amanda: They should say "Dumb Blacks".

Me: Uh, that would "Dumb Brunettes", honey.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Mother Knows Best. No, REALLY.

It's summer, and in Fresno that means 100+ degree temps. When I first moved here in July of 1989, and for at least 2 summers after that, I wore socks and loafers all throughout the blistering hot months. I kept looking longingly at my sandal-clad friends, but in my opinion, my feet were not socially acceptable. My toes are longer than I'd like them to be ... not freakishly long, just not cute and stubby. Anyway! One day someone pointed out the fact that most models have super-ugly feet, and they expose their hoofs on a regular basis on the runway, at premiers, etc. After that, I started noticing model's feet in magazines, and on TV, and guess what? My feet were starting to look pretty good! Attractive even!! That was all it took to free me at last!! And I can now proudly say: I WEAR SANDALS IN THE SUMMER, AND SOMETIMES EVEN IN THE WINTER!! Yay for me!!

Okay ... so what does that have to do with mother knowing best? So glad you asked.

Last night my girls and I were getting ready to meet some friends for a dinner/dessert birthday celebration.

Megan chose to wear a sundress with gold flats.

I wore capris with a light-weight-blousey-shirt-thing, and flip-flops (!)

Amanda came out of her room wearing a short-sleeved shirt, with a matching SCARF, skinny JEANS, and imitation Ugg BOOTS!!!

Amanda: Mom, does this look okay?

Me: Uh, yeah, but it's like 100 degrees outside.

Amanda: I feel fine.

Me: Well, it is a little cooler in the house than it is outside. You might want to put on something more light-weight.

Amanda: Nah, this is fine.

Me: Okaaaay.

We get to the restaurant, Amanda steps outside the vehicle ...

Amanda: Uh, Mom, can we go home? I think I need to change. I'm way too hot in this.

Me: Did I not say you would be hot in that?

Amanda: So can we go home?

Me: Uh, that would be a big N-O.

Later that evening, after walking to the ice cream shop (which was across the parking lot from the restaurant), the girls realized they needed to find a "little girl's room". Once inside, Amanda could hardly peel her skinny jeans off of her sweaty legs.

Amanda: WHY did I WEAR these JEANS?!?

Me: Good question. And how are your feet doin' in those boots?

Amanda: They're soooo HOT!!!

Me: You don't say.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Skinny Dipping

Amanda: Mom, my friend at school said she's been swimming naked before.

Me: Oh really?

Amanda: Yeah, and she had a name for it, but I can't remember it.

Me: Skinny Dipping?

Amanda: That's it, Skinny Dipping! Sounds gross to me.

Megan: I wanna' go Skinny Dipping!

Me: I'm shocked.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Undercover Fast Food Cop?

On our way back to Fresno Sunday, the girls and I stopped for dinner at Carl's Jr. Now before you throw tomatoes at the computer screen ... please know that I can't stand their commercials either, and I'm pretty good about eating elsewhere when given the chance. However, on this particular road trip, the girls refused to agree on any other eating establishment, and I wanted to get back home sooner than later. So that's where we ate, okay? Okay.

The girls wanted cheeseburgers, and I was in the mood for Mexican food ... nothing much ... a bean and cheese burrito from Taco Bell would have done the trick. Thankfully, this burger joint also offers the Green Burrito menu. But since I haven't tried their burritos before, I felt the need to ask the guy behind the counter for his opinion ...

Me: So are the bean and cheese burritos any good here?

Guy: hesitates (!)

Me: Like are they as good as Taco Bell? I'm really in the mood for Taco Bell. (I know, I'm practically begging him to spit in my food.)

Guy: Not really. I think you'd probably like Taco Bell's burrito better.

Me: Thank you. How 'bout the chicken quesadilla? Is that any good?

Guy: Yeah, I think you'd like that.

Me: Great, one of those please.

We got our food, and he was right ... the chicken quesadilla was quite good. Yay!

Fast forward two days later. The girls and I are in the car and pass a Taco Bell.

Amanda: Mom, remember when you asked that guy at Carl's Jr. if the burritos there were as good as the ones at Taco Bell?

Me: Yeah.

Amanda: I can't believe he told you that you wouldn't like the burritos at Carl's Jr.!

Me: Why? He was just being honest.

Amanda: I know, but how did he know you weren't an undercover cop working for Carl's Jr.? He could have lost his job!

Me: Do you really think an undercover cop would bring two kids along?

Amanda: Well you never know!

Me: Um, yeah, I do actually.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Summer Souvenir

The girls and I were able to spend some time at Grandpa Ralph and Grandma Judi's ranch last week. One thing about living on acreage like that ... "pests" can be quite prevalent.

One of the less desirable pests, in my opinion, are the rodents. Of course, that's my opinion, not Megan's.
Now my folks have purchased a nifty rodent zapping device for such pests, that basically electrocutes any "friends" that might venture inside its metal walls. Once the execution has taken place, a red light flashes on the outside.

When we arrived at the house, Megan saw the metal box and asked Grandma Judi what it was. Once it was explained to her, she was very diligent to check for red flashing lights whenever she'd walk by it.

A day or so into our stay, it happened. Megan saw the red light flashing! She ran to inform Grandma, who told her to tell Grandpa. Grandpa came to the rescue, and confirmed what we had suspected: Fried Mice (okay, it was one mouse, but Fried Mice sounds like Fried Rice, only ... oh never mind.)

Megan: Can I keep it?

Grandpa: Sure you can.

Me: Uh ...

Before I could sing "M I C - K E Y" Grandpa had emptied the long-tailed corpse into a Ziplock baggie and handed it to Megan. She was THRILLED.

If only I'd known she'd be so happy with a dead mouse, I could have saved a lot of money on souvenirs at the Exploratorium.

Oh well, at least Christmas shopping will be easy.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Heel Tastic

I took the girls to a mall by Grandma Judi's house today. We had barely departed Nordstrom when I saw the store of Amanda's dreams:


I pointed it out to Amanda.

Amanda: No way!!

Me: Should we go in?

Amanda: Of course we should go in!!

Me: Let's go!!

Once inside, Amanda kept pointing out items from her favorite commercials. I'm telling you, this girl was like a kid in a candy store.

Me: Hey Amanda, look! It's Heel Tastic.

Amanda: Oh my goodness, you should totally get that.

Megan: Get what?

Amanda: Heel Tastic, mom could so use that stuff.

Me: Hey now.

Amanda: Well, it's true.

Me: I know. Sigh.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Back Seat Driver

Amanda: Mom, what are those bumps in the road?

Me: Reflectors.

Amanda: Why are they there?

Me: So you know where your lane ends and the other one begins. They're bumpy so that if your tire hits them, it will alert you to the fact that you're driving into the other lane, and you better get back over into yours.

Amanda: You do that a LOT.

Monday, July 5, 2010

The Birthday Wish List

Megan's birthday is at the end of the month. I asked her to write out a wish list so I'd have an idea as to what she might like to receive on her special day, since unlike her sister, she doesn't give me a daily run-down on what she wishes she had ...

desi (Nintendo DSi ... she's asked reletives to give money towards this item.)

eregs (Earrings)

Skootr (Scooter)


Doll Hawse I can painte green (She first asked to paint her room green. When I said "no", she thought of a doll house that she could paint green herself.)

Book Shelf I can painte green (I asked if she might like a book shelf to put all of her books on since they're currently up high on a shelf in her closet. She thought that might be okay, IF she could paint it green. Green is her new favorite color, if you haven't picked up on that yet.)

Green Painte

Seso (See-Saw)

See why I needed the list?

Oh, and the photo was taken several months ago while Meg was doing homework. Notice how she's making sure she has finger-spaces between her words? I miss finger-spaces.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Night Vision

After tucking Amanda in bed, she came back out ...

Amanda: Mom, can I get my night goggles?

Me: Sure.

Henry: Night goggles?

Me: Yeah.

Henry: Looks at me with raised eyebrows.

Me: Oh! No, not like night vision ... it's a sleep mask.

'Cuz sleep masks are normal for 9 year olds to wear to bed. Night vision goggles would just be weird.