Thursday, March 31, 2011

The Amazing WHAT?

I do everything in my power to get the girls to bed by 8 PM. This is no small task when they're usually doing everything in their power to not go to bed by 8 PM.

This past Sunday night I finished praying with Megan at 8:22 PM. I know it was that time because she announced it as soon as I said 'amen'.

I went from her bedroom to the family room and turned on The Amazing Race, which was almost half over by this point.

The next thing I know, Meg has come out of her room and into the family room looking for her pink pillow (she likes to watch TV with it, so that's why it was in the family room.) At this point in The Amazing Race, a deaf contestent was crying over a task he was having to complete. Since I missed the beginning of it (thanks to my offspring), I don't really know what was going on except that it involved little white bowls filled with some kind of liquid.

Megan: What IS this? Some kind of talent show?

Me: No, it's the Amazing Race.

Megan: Amazing GRACE?!

Me getting a little annoyed with each question that keeps her out of bed longer: No, Amazing RACE.

Megan: Oh, because I thought you said Amazing GRACE.

Me clearly in no mood to answer further questions because hello? She's supposed to be in bed!: Megan?

Megan: Huh?

Me completely out of any and all amazing grace: Go. To. Bed.

Megan realizing mom is on to her stall tactic: Okay. Good night (kisses my cheek).

Me: Good night.

Oh, that girl ... her cuteness has saved her life on more than one occasion.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Old Rings

Megan: Mom, is your ring solid gold?

Me: Yes.

Megan: Wow. Was it a big price?

Me: Yes.

Megan: How much?

Me: I don't know the exact amount. Dad never told me.

Megan: Was Dad's ring a big price?

Me: Not as much as mine, I'm sure.

Megan: How much was his?

Me: $500, I think.

Megan: Wow!! That's cheap!!

Me: Well ...

Megan: Oh, that's right ... it was back in the olden days.

Me: Uh ...

Megan: I mean, not when Jesus was alive ...

Me: Gee, thanks.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

My Kind

The other night I was in the bathroom, removing my make-up, and minding my own business when Megan walked in ...

Megan: Uh, Mom?

Me: Yeah?

Megan: Did you just go poop?

Me: No.

Megan: 'Cause it smells like your kind of poop.

Me: My kind of poop?

Megan: Yeah.

There was no need to take this conversation any further, because I knew what she meant ... My kind smells like roses.

Monday, March 28, 2011


Friday afternoon, Megan and I were out and about trying to find her a replacement pair of tennis shoes for the ones that had holes in the soles (not good with all the rain we've been having lately.)

Before we left one store, I told her that I'd like to use their restroom before going to the next place which I knew didn't have one. She was fine with it.

Megan: Mom, do you have to go real bad?

Me: No, not real bad, but I'd like to go before I do have to go real bad.

Megan: If I say the word 'sprinkle', will it make you have to go bad?

Me: Uh, no.

Megan: So I can say it?

Me: If you like.

Megan in a high pitched chipmunkish voice: Sprinkle ... Sprinkle ... Sprinkle!

Okay, so I guess I was wrong. When a 7 year old goofy girl says 'sprinkle' in a high pitched voice over and over ... it makes me laugh, and I do have to go bad!!!

Oh, and once we got to the restroom, she had to go too. The power of suggestion strikes again.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Strong Teeth

Megan is a milk drinker. Henry and I both love milk, so I'm not surprised. (I am surprised, however, that Amanda can't stand milk. She'd rather eat dry, cold, cereal, than ruin it with that white stuff. Whose child is she anyway?)

This morning after breakfast, and after drinking her milk ...

Megan: Mom, does milk make your teeth stronger?

Me: Yep.

Megan: Good! Then I can BITE people!

Me: Wow.

Megan: Well, strangers.

Me: Right.

Because Henry and I have always taught our girls to bite strangers!?

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Scholastic BOOK Orders

Did you have Scholastic Book Club Orders in school when you were a kid? I did. I didn't get to order much, if anything, but it sure was fun looking at all the books they had to offer.

My girls are getting those order forms now, but I've noticed something different in their forms ... there's a LOT more than just books available nowadays.

It's kinda' sad, actually. I remember getting so excited about the BOOKS offered back in the day, but MY girls are all about the Nintendo DSi games and various gadgets available now through Scholastic BOOK Club.

A few weeks ago, Megan was showing me what she wanted to order from the BOOK Club: A "Secret OPS Ultimate Voice Changer" that advertised the ability to "disguise your voice and location". She wanted it so badly that she even offered to chip in $6.00 out of the $12.00 total. Now, normally I would just say 'no' to something so ridiculous, but I noticed that this voice changer was part of a whole "Secret Spy Pack" which included (drum roll please) ... A BOOK!! That's right, the gimmicky voice changer toy was actually paired with an A-Z Mystery book. SOLD!!

Fast forward to this afternoon. Megan comes into my office after school ...

Megan: Mom! We got our book club stuff today!

Me: Cool! Can I see?

Megan: Here's the voice changer, but Mom, guess what?

Me: What?

Megan quite annoyed: It came with a BOOK.

She tossed the A-Z Mystery book on my desk.

Me: I know, isn't that great?

Megan: I didn't want a BOOK. I just wanted the voice changer thing.

Me: Um, Megan? The company is called Scholastic BOOK Club. Did you know that?

Megan: What-everrr.


Tuesday, March 22, 2011


I have what some would call an addictive personality (also known as OCD, so I've heard, from other OCDers). If I get started on something, it's over. Here are just a few examples ...

I ate Costco's poppy seed muffins for breakfast everyday for at least a year.

I have a love/hate relationship with Diet Coke. If I'm on the "sauce", it's all I drink. ALL DAY LONG. I'm currently "clean", and have been since September 7, 2010. (They should totally have a DC's Anonymous. At least then I'd get to go to meetings where people would clap for my sobriety efforts.)

I'm currently having issues with chocolate. And that's all you need to know about that.

Oh, and I've had oatmeal with brown sugar for breakfast everyday for like the last 8 months. Not to mention, for lunch, I have the same shredded beef burritos from Costco ... EVERYDAY!!!

Wow. I'm pathetic.

Alright, so what does all this have to do with my daughters and parenting? Well, I think I've passed my addictive gene on to Megan. Only her addictions seem to show themselves as ticks.

Do you remember the smacking? She still does this, by the way. Only not quite as often as before. The good thing is that she's admitted she has a problem. And she often mentions it in her prayers at bedtime, asking God to help her stop smacking. Plus, most afternoons she'll give me an unsolicited report on how much or how little she smacked that day. She's definitely making progress.

Her latest tick is flicking her head. It started as a way to get her bangs out of her eyes. If they were in the way, she'd just flick her head back. What I'm noticing now, is that she flicks her head back even when her bangs are clipped back out of her face. We're talkin' every 10-15 minutes, she's flickin' her head back. I know. It's serious. It's bizarre. It's a Flick Tick.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Here's Spit in Your Eye!

I don't think a day has gone by where my girls have not had some kind of altercation with one another.

Today was no different.

I was in the back of the house changing clothes when I heard the screams.

My first inclination was to ignore it. Maybe this will be the time they work it out themselves in a civilized manner. Yeah right. The cries for help just got louder and louder, until finally Amanda was by my side.

Amanda sobbing: Megan spit in my eye!!

Me: Oh come on.

Now before you judge my under-reaction, you have to know that Amanda considers a "raspberry" to be the same as spitting.
Amanda: She DID.

Me: Fine.

I walk out to the family room and find Megan at the scene of the crime (the couch), and she's screaming at the top of her lungs. Not really forming words, just screaming so as not to be able to hear what I have to say. This never works, but she tries it every time she knows she's in trouble.

Me: Megan, what happened right before you spit at Amanda?

Megan: She was grabbing me like this!! (puts her hands on her waist and shakes herself real hard)

Amanda: I was NOT grabbing her, I was tickling her.

Megan: No she wasn't!! She was GRABBING ME!!!

Now all this time, Amanda is still sobbing while talking. I mean, you would have thought Megan had stuck a hot poker in her eye for as hard as she was crying.

Me: Amanda, do you think you might be overreacting just a little bit? It's spit for crying out loud.

Well THAT insensitivity just made her cry even harder, while Megan continued to scream who knows what at the top of her lungs. That's right, total chaos. So naturally I responded with a very calm ...

Me: That's it!! You're both going to your rooms!!

After about 5 minutes, I went into Megan's room to explain that it's never okay to spit at someone, especially in the face. I then said that I was going to have to think up a severe punishment for spitting at someone ...

Megan: You're probably going to make me pick up dog poop, because I hate that!!

Me: We'll see.

Uh, yeah. I'm totally doing that. I just love it when they help me think up their own punishment!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Potty Training

Potty training is just one of those things that moms are expected to do. It's not something you get bonus points for, it's just part of the job. And not an easy part either.

I remember potty training Amanda about 6 weeks before she turned 3.

I did it by the book. This book, to be exact:

It went so well that I even spoke to a couple of moms groups to teach them how to potty train in less than a day. Yes, I truly felt that I had a handle on this. Perhaps I could even take my potty-training tips on the road!

Enter Megan.

She was 2 years old, and a good friend of mine was getting ready to potty train her 2 year old. Sounded good to me. Why wait and buy another year's worth of diapers?!

Uh, can you say, mistake?!

While my friend's daughter soared through the potty-training process, Megan fought me every step of the way. Not only did I not succeed in potty-training her in less than a day, but for the next YEAR we had accident after accident after accident. She even peed on people! It was, by far, the longest year of my life.

One day I remember in particular ... I was washing more poopie pants, and I was getting more angry by the minute. We'd been "training" for several months by this point in time, and I had HAD IT!! One mom told me that she'd threatened to throw away her son's super-hero underwear if he had another accident, and that's all it took for him to 'get it'. It was worth a shot ...

Me: Megan, the next time you poop in these Cinderella panties, I'm throwing them away. Do you understand me?

Megan: That's okay. I still have Snow White and Sleeping Beauty ones, momma.

I should have just handed her a box of Huggies right then and there and said, "YOU WIN!"

A few weeks later I remember expressing my frustration to a friend of mine, and I'll never forget his words:

"All I remember is that when our boys were ready, it was really easy."

Hmmm. Waiting until your child is ready? Interesting concept.

Well, he was right. It was a few weeks before Megan's 3rd birthday, and she was suddenly ready. There was no more forcing the issue with her. She was moving on ... and in the right (accident-free) direction.

Here's a photo of Amanda and Megan about 3 months into the year from potty-training hell:
Hard to believe that cute little girl caused me so much grief. Of course, it's my own fault for trying to make her do something she wasn't ready to do.

Let that be a lesson to the rest of you moms out there with infants and toddlers. "When they're ready, it will be easy!"

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Mysterious Ways

God most certainly works in mysterious ways.

Have you ever wondered why things go the way they do? Here's how my Saturday went, and at the end I'll tell you why I think it went the way it did.

Megan had been struggling with a cough and congestion for a week, but the fever didn't hit until Friday after school.

By Saturday, early evening, her ear was hurting. Urgent Care was going to close in 20 minutes. We got there with 13 minutes to spare.

While in the waiting room, a brief conversation began between me and a gentleman in his late 50's - early 60's. He was commenting on a woman who had come in and had been very demanding of the Urgent Care staff. Before I could make much of a comment, Megan's name was called. (Note to parents: If you want to jump to the front of the Urgent Care list ... just walk up to the counter and ask them for a bag for your child to throw up in. Megan told me she thought she was going to throw up, so I asked a staff member for a bag 'just in case', and guess who was called next?! Yep. They had us in before 2 other kids who had arrived before us!)

Meg happened to be seen by a Dr. Erickson, who goes to our church. It was nice to see a familiar face, I must say.

We left Urgent Care after Meg had been diagnosed with an ear infection, and headed to the Walgreen's by our house. They were closed. Boo! Sooo I took Megan home and headed to the Walgreen's with the 24 hour pharmacy that was about 15-20 minutes away.

Once I arrived, I noticed that the man from the Urgent Care waiting room just happened to be there too. He told me that he had first gone to Rite Aid, but upon hearing that the prescription wouldn't be filled until the following day, he decided to come to Walgreen's.

Our conversation went something like this ...

Him: Hey, you were seen today by my doctor of 38 years.

Me: Dr. Erickson?

Him: Yeah.

Me: He goes to my church.

Him: Oh really? He's been trying to get me to go to church for YEARS.

Me: Well why haven't you gone?

Him: I don't know. It's just not my thing. Everyone has their thing. I won't judge you and you don't judge me. What church do you go to?

Me: Peoples Church. Now I know that can be intimidating.

Him: Yeah, 'Mega Church'. I go hunting with a deacon from Northwest Church. He's always praying, and I'm always telling him to pray for more birds.

Me: You'd really like our new pastor. He relates so well to people. You should come. At least once.

Him: I don't think so. I'm all right.

At this point I'm realizing that our second encounter isn't a coincidence, so I try to make the most of it by making him realize that life is short, and he needs to think twice about his take on Christianity.

Me: What about all that's going on in Japan? How do you know, that if some disaster happened here, that you would be alright, you know, after?

He thought and thought, and then completely missed what I was getting at ...

Him: I'm a civil engineer by trade, and we're actually in a good place for earthquakes and whatnot. We'd make it okay. And we'd never have a tsunami. I'm not worried.

It was at that moment that he was called to the cash register, and our time was up.

Sometimes I wonder if God started orchestrating that moment, 6 days ago when Megan first came down with her cough and congestion. I wouldn't put it past Him. He doesn't want anyone to perish (John 3:16), so if that means allowing a 7 year old to develop an ear infection so that her mom could encourage a stranger she met in the Urgent Care waiting room to go to church, then that's what He'll do.

When I told my husband about all that had transpired in the past 2 hours, he reminded me that our newspaper just 'happened' to run a story on our pastor today. You can read that article on our pastor here.

Have a great week everyone, and be on the lookout for where God might want to use you!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Playing by Ear?

Does every 4th grader in America learn to play the Recorder?

When I was in elementary school, we played flutophones. Same idea, only different.

Because I taught Kindermusik for a few years when my girls were toddlers, they were given recorders early in life. So by this year, when Amanda was handed her 4th grade recorder in school, she already knew her way around the instrument.

I'd always thought that to be a good thing. Until tonight. Sometimes familiarity brings about boredom. And boredom can bring about all kinds of crazy stuff.

Tonight I heard Amanda practicing on her recorder. I think she was playing "Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee". Anyway, just as I was starting to think how well she was playing the song, and how proud I was to be her mother, I looked over in the direction of the music.

Are you ready for this?

She was playing it with her NOSE. That's right. She had the mouthpiece shoved into one nostril and was blowing out air (and who knows what else) from said nostril into the recorder.

Me: Amanda!

Amanda: What?

Me: WHAT are you DOING?!

Amanda: Playing my recorder.

Me: With your nose???

Amanda (laughing): Yeah, so?

Me: So?! Are you even kidding me?!?!

It was right then that Megan, who had witnessed the entire nasal concert, grabbed the recorder and put it in her mouth to play a little (unsanitary) ditty. That's when I completely gave up on trying to teach these girls anything whatsoever about being a lady, and asked Amanda if I could video tape her circus act. (Hey, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Right?) She refused, stating that she thought I'd put it on the Internet. Who me?

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

So Much for THAT

I could type for hours, listing all the things in this house that are dropped on the floor and left there for someone else (read: Mom) to either pick up or trip over and break their neck. The sad thing is that I don't even care so much about someone tripping and breaking their neck. I'm just sick of looking at it all. Especially the socks. Why on earth must they take off their socks and leave them in the hallway, or bathroom, or entry way, or under the kitchen table?!

This afternoon after arriving home from school, Megan took her shoes off and left them in the hallway entrance.

Several minutes later, I heard someone stumble, then fall, then cry.

I continued on with what I was doing, waiting to hear if the injury was bad enough to come tell me about it.

Apparently it was.

Megan (kinda' crying, a little): Mom, I tripped over my shoes and fell down.

Me: You did?

Megan: Uh huh.

Me: Are you okay?

Megan: I guess so.

Me: So did you learn anything from this experience?

Megan: You mean like don't walk in the hallway?

Me: Or like don't leave your shoes in the middle of the hallway for someone to trip over?!

Megan: No.

Me: Of course not.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

What's the Point?

Waking up Megan in the morning is a challenge 98% of the time. Then there are those 2% mornings where she's already awake when I walk in her room, and actually in a fairly happy state.

Today was one of those 2% mornings.

I walked in to find her curled up much like a turtle, with her head buried in her pillow ...

Me: Meg, it's time to get up.

Megan: What's the point of getting married?

Wow. Didn't see that one coming.

Me: Well, when you find someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with, and have a family with, you get married.

Megan: Oh.

Me: Sooo you think you wanna' get married someday?

Megan: I don't know. I still don't see the point.

Me: Right. So what would you like for breakfast?

Another successful mother-daughter teaching moment.

Monday, March 14, 2011

A Pound of Snot

Megan's had a head cold the last couple days. As a result, she has filled many a tissue with snot from her runny nose.

Yesterday she decided to weigh herself on my scale (she's trying to get to 60 pounds in order to ditch the booster car seat) ...

Megan: Mom, how much do I weigh?

Me: 52 pounds. Looks like you lost a pound.

Megan: Ugh. And it was all SNOT!!!

Me: I think you may be right.

Poor Meg. She's such a lightweight. I hope she doesn't have to sit in a booster seat for her driver's test 9 years from now.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Nursing Nonsense

Becoming a mom has brought many surprises. Some good. Some not so much.

Can we talk nursing?

If that isn't the craziest phenomenon. I'll never forget the day after Amanda was born. I was still in the hospital and my mom was there with me. She kept asking if my "milk had come in" yet. Huh? "How do you know when your milk has 'come in'?" My mom just smiled and said, "Oh, you'll know." And she was right. I went into the hospital bathroom to take a shower and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Talk about a HOLY COW moment!! I was mortified at what I saw. All of a sudden, the term 'Jugs' made perfect sense. What else could you call them? I felt like I had 2 gallons of homogenized horror hanging from my chest. All I'd heard up until that moment was how 'natural' nursing was. Well there was nothing natural about THIS freak show.

Somehow I made it through the first week of breast feeding. It was excruciating most of the time. Not just where all the action was taking place, but inside. Did you know that every time the baby takes a swig, the uterus contracts? The same uterus that had just endured umpteen hours of labor?! How is that fair, I ask you?! You're not getting any sleep, your maternity clothes are too big, but your pre-prego clothes are too small ... and the cherry on top is that the "bonding moments" of nursing hurt like heck? And I'm not even going to share how 'fun' my appointment with the lactitionist was and the nifty 'cups' she gave me to wear in between feedings.

You know, before I had kids, I would see a mom nursing her baby in public, and I would think, "Ugh. How could anyone do that?" Um, yeah. Never say never. It's amazing how quickly I was willing to "whip it out" just to keep my kid quiet. No place was sacred. Women's Bible Study? Done. Dinner out with my husband's family? Done. On stage during a women's retreat sound check with mic in hand? Done and done.

Why did I bring all this up? I guess I've just been thinking about how different motherhood is than what I thought it would be. Nursing is just one aspect that surprised me.

So to all you moms out there who are going above and beyond to give your babies the best nourishment possible. Who have endured looks in public from people who didn't know any better. Who hook up to pumps so your baby can still have that liquid gold while you're at work (Yes, I did that too!) ... you'll never regret it. Way to go! If I could give you a chest bump, I totally would. Well, maybe after you've weened your little one. Yeah, then I'd for sure do it.

Oh ... here's a photo of me and Henry, a few hours after Amanda was born. This was after 20 hours of labor (4 hours of which was pushing) and before 'the milk had come in'.

Friday, March 11, 2011

The Happy Couple

While driving home from work, Henry and I were chatting and I don't even remember what the topic was, but he made a face that he often makes (a know-it-all face) and I called him on it. All that to say, we started laughing ...

Amanda: What are you two laughing about?

Me: Doesn't matter.

Amanda: You guys never laugh. What's so funny?

Me: You know, we used to be happy people.

Amanda: Yeah, right.

I don't blame her for not believing it. Most of the time we're too busy trying to keep them from killing each other, or making sure they've brushed their teeth, or put on deodorant, or fed the dogs, or done their homework ... who has time to laugh with all that parenting going on? Maybe if "laughing" were on the chore chart, we'd do a better job of it.

Then again, maybe if we just enlarged this photo and hung it up on the fridge, we'd laugh all the time.

Can you see how big my glasses are? Holy cow! They're more like windshields than glasses. It's amazing that Henry could see past all that corrective glass to the hot chick I really was. (Truth be told, it was the spiral permed hair that caught his eye. ;)

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Grocery Shopping

Amanda's 4th grade class is studying the Gold Rush era. Last week she was given the assignment of going to a grocery store to compare prices from that time in history to the present.

Here's something you need to know about me: I don't like grocery shopping.

It probably goes hand in hand with my dislike of cooking.

Anyway, if I have to shop for groceries, at least let me do it by myself so I can get in and out of there as fast as possible. I don't want to be accompanied by anyone whining for this or that, or having to explain to them for the umteenth time why you shouldn't hang on the cart, OR having them decide in the middle of the store that they have to go to the bathroom NOW or they'll wet their pants.

My husband is the opposite of me when it comes to grocery shopping (and cooking). Nothing makes him happier than to stroll leisurely up and down every aisle. Needless to say, we don't grocery shop together much. We do Costco together, and by "together", I mean we walk in together. I'm usually 10-15 feet ahead of him most of the time we're in there.

Okay, so back to Amanda's assignment. I usually do the week's grocery shopping on Sunday night, sans children. So around 5 PM this past Sunday night, I was trying to figure out a way for Amanda to get her assignment done without having to take her to the grocery store (Terrible, I know, but I was at the height of PMS, which is like walking around with a loaded gun. And why endanger yourself and others unless it's absolutely necessary? ) Anyway, Amanda said that some of her classmates had just Googled for current food prices instead of going to an actual store. Hmmmm. That didn't sound like a completely bad idea. But, the instructions were to go to a grocery store, so I felt we should do that.

Then the thought came to me that I could zip over to Save Mart real quick with Amanda, get her the prices, drop her back off at home, then go ALONE to do the weekly shopping. Yep, that's what I would do.

Amanda and I were almost out the door when Meg caught wind of our excursion. Now she wanted to go. Fine. She sat down to put her shoes on as Henry was walking by. Apparently my body language was shouting how much I was not looking forward to this little field trip ...

Henry: You could make this a real learning experience. Explain why things are laid out the way they are in the store, etc.

Me: Sounds like YOU should be the one taking them. (I gave birth to them, didn't I? Is that not enough? Do I really have to do this whole price comparison thing while my gut is at war with itself and my emotions are on the verge of reaching bi-polar levels?! Oh, AND on top of all that ... make it a LEARNING EXPERIENCE?!)

Henry: No, that's not what I'm saying.

Me: Ugh.

So, we went, and I'm pretty sure the only "learning experience" my girls got was how much Mom doesn't like to grocery shop, and how she really needs to work on her tolerance of 7 year olds who have to go to the bathroom mid-shop.

Pray for my girls, people. They deserve so much better, but they're stuck with me.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Dumbfounded 2

Several days ago I posted some questions from Amanda that, in my opinion, answered themselves. Here are a few more ...

After school, one of the teachers was looking for her lost earring. She showed the other one to me. It was a small hoop.

A few minutes later, Amanda walked by my office ...

Me: Amanda, have you seen a hoop earring around here?

Amanda: What does that mean?

Me: What do you think it means? While you've been walking around, HAVE YOU SEEN A HOOP EARRING?

That same afternoon, we walked out to the parking lot ...

Megan: Mom, you parked in a handicap spot.

Me: It used to be a handicap spot.

Amanda: What do you mean?

Me: Well ... it used to be a handicap parking spot, and now it's not. (?!)

Megan has a little pink pillow she likes to lay on when she's watching TV ...

Amanda: Why is Megan's pillow out here (on the floor in front of the TV)?

Me: Uh, because she left it there?

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Manic Monday

Ahhh Monday mornings.

Amanda and I left for school, and about 2 minutes into our 4 minute commute, I realized I'd forgotten something. So I passed my cell phone to her so she could call Henry and ask him to bring it. When I heard her leaving a message on his cell phone, I decided I better flip a U to go get it myself. While doing this, I told Amanda to call the house phone. She did. He answered. He agreed to bring it with him in a few minutes. That meant that I got to flip another U to head back in the original direction. As I'm making that U-Turn ...

Amanda: YOU'RE the one who made us late THIS time.

Me: How does saying that help anyone?!

Amanda: I'm just saying that I'm not the one who made us late this time.

Me: I am well aware of the fact that I am the one making us late this morning, so we really don't need to discuss it.

Amanda: Wow. Tough crowd.

"Tough crowd?" Really? What am I ... in a comedy club all of a sudden? Silly girl.

Monday, March 7, 2011


Meg had basketball Saturday morning. It's through our church, so if she memorizes the weekly Bible verse and can recite it at the end of the game, she gets to pick out a prize.

I went with her over to the prize table where she quoted her verse with ease. Then came the daunting task of picking out a prize. She picked up this one thing and then promptly put it down because she didn't know what it was.

Me: Wait, what was that?

Megan: I don't know, so I put it back.

I reached over and picked up the little clear container of orange-colored goo with a basketball cap on the top.

Me: I think this is like slime.

Megan: Slime? What's that?

Me: I think you've had some before, but it was called Gak.

Megan: Oh yeah!! I'm totally getting that.

We walked back over to where Amanda and Henry were waiting.

Amanda: What'd she get?

Me: Orange slime.

Amanda: Huh?

Me: Orange Gak.

Amanda: Oh. Cool!

Me: You know, when I was growing up we had stuff like that, but it was called Slime, and it was green, and came in a little trash can. And some even had worms in it. (Sigh) I wish they still made Slime.

Amanda: It came in a trash can?

Me feeling good about my awesome childhood toy: Yeah. So cool.

Later in the car ...

Amanda: Dad, Mom said that they had something called Slime when she was growing up, and it came in a trash can. Is that true?

Me: Excuuuse me??

Amanda: What?

Me: Are you really questioning something I said existed in MY childhood?

Amanda: Well ...

Me: You know, Dad was already done with childhood by the time I was going through it, so how would he know anyway?

Amanda: Oh.

Me: Yeah. If I said I had green Slime in a trash can when I was a kid, then I did. (Sheesh!)

Guess I'll have to show her this photo I found on the Internet, because I still don't think she believes me.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Slurpees and Such

There are just some days when you gotta' have a 7-11 Slurpee. Yesterday was one of those days.

The girls and I walked into the 7-11, got our Slurpees, and headed to the cashier.

The cashier, a woman who looked to be in her mid to late 50's, but who was probably only 40, gave me the total: $5.20.

I handed her $10.20.

She rang it up and then stared at the cash register. Then she stared at me. Then back at the register. Then back at me.

Cashier: I rang it up as $5.20 instead of $10.20.

Me: Oh, you did?

Cashier: Yeah, and I know I owe you change, but I can't think how much that is.

Me: $5.00.

Cashier: Right. Sorry. My brain ain't workin' today.

While walking back to the car ...

Megan: That lady said her brain didn't work.

Me: Yep, that's what she said.

Megan: Do you think she had a drug?

Me: I think she had more than just one.

Megan: Yeah. A lot more.

Friday, March 4, 2011

More than Infinity?

Megan and Amanda count VW Bugs while we're driving around.

Megan has like 971, and Amanda has around 740.

Megan carpools to and from school with her friend Hunter every morning and afternoon, so he is well aware of her bug counting thing.

The other day when I was driving them from one campus to the other ...

Megan: Yes! 970 bugs!

Me: Sorry Hunter. You must get tired of hearing her yell out those numbers all the time.

Hunter: It's okay.

Megan: Mom, he counts stuff too.

Me: Oh, you do? What do you count?

Megan: He counts porta-potties!

Me: Is that right?

Hunter: Yeah.

Me: Interesting.

Megan: 971 bugs!

Me: Meg, are you gonna' stop once you get to 1000?

Megan: No way!

Me: How high are you gonna' go?

Megan: Um, what's the highest number you can go to?

Hunter: Infinity.

Megan: No. Infinity plus one.

Okay. That's like, a LOT of bugs, and a WHOLE LOT of porta-potties.