Friday, September 30, 2011

Seating Arrangements

Megan has been seated next to 2 different kids in school so far (we're only 7 weeks in, btw), and each one has talked too much. Try as she might, the talking has kept her from doing her best work in class, to say the least.

Yesterday she came into my office with a major spring in her step ...

Megan: Mom! Guess what?!

Me: What?

Megan: First I got 5 'Good Time' tickets for being in the group that didn't talk.

Me: That's wonderful, Megan. I'm so proud of you!!

Megan: THEN I got moved!!

Me: Who do you sit by now?

Megan: No one!! I sit ALL BY MYSELF!!

She couldn't have been more proud. And rightfully so. I mean obviously being moved to your own space is some kind of huge reward.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Butterfly Wings

Megan caught a butterfly at school, then held it captive in 2 stacked Styrofoam cups.

As she was peering into one of the cups' air holes ...

gan: Mom, did you look at the wings?

Me: Yeah.

Megan: But did you see the INSIDE of the wings?

Me: Well, no.

Megan: Look again. They're so ... comfortable.

Me: What does that even mean?

Megan: Not comfortable ... bright.

Comfortable ... Bright ... Bright ... Comfortable. I see how you might get those two mixed up.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Mothers Know Nothing

My 10 year old knows everything, and I know nothing. The sooner I accept this, the easier I will breathe.

Here are some examples from last weekend that prove this.

Example 1: We had to go to the grocery store. Normally I wait until I can do this chore alone, but I was desperate. On the way to the store, I stopped to fill the car up with gas. While I was fueling, she showed me that her sandal had broken. I told her we should go back home to get another pair of sandals before driving all the way to the store. She said she'd fixed it. I didn't believe her so I made her get out and walk to see if they'd really stay on. They did, but I wasn't completely convinced. She insisted. Well, surprise, surprise ... as we were walking from the car to the store, the sandal came undone again, leaving her to ask, "What do I do now?!" I tried to be sympathetic, but let's face it - all I wanted to say was, "I told ya so." Of course I'm too mature for that, so instead I told her she could just shuffle around the store the best she could.

Example 2: She had a football game to cheer for on Saturday. She asked me to put her hair in a high ponytail, which I did. I put it up real high, because that's the way cheerleaders wear them now. Of course, she thought it was too high and told me to lower it. I tried to tell her that it had to be higher than she wanted it, but hey, what do I know, right? So we get to the game, and she runs over to the other cheerleaders (who are sportin' super-high ponytails) and then runs back to me ... "Mom, they said my ponytail isn't high enough. Can you fix it?"

Like I said, she knows everything and I know nothing. Someday I'll get it.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

100% What?!

This sign has been hanging on Megan's bedroom door for a few weeks now.

When you feel it's necessary to post a sign declaring how angelic you are ... yeah, well.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Tummy Trouble.

Megan: Did it hurt when we came out of your tummy?

Me: Yep.

Megan: How much?

Me: Like nothing else.

Megan: Did they cut you open to get us out?

Me: No.

Megan: Then how did we get out of your tummy?

Me long pause: Well, it's complicated.

Megan: You mean it's hard to explain?

Me: YES!! It's very hard to explain.

Whew. Dodged it one more time.

Friday, September 23, 2011


A monthly feminine hygiene product was laying on my bathroom counter when Meg walked in ...

Megan: What's this?

I told her.

Megan: What's it for?

Me: It doesn't concern you.

Megan: Why not?

Me: Because you're not old enough to need it, so we really don't need to talk about it quite yet.

Megan: But why?

Me: Because you're young. You don't need it. Kinda' like make-up. You don't need that either.

Megan who apparently had some idea of what the item was used for: Wait. Are you saying that people put make-up on their privates?

Me: Uh, no. That is most certainly NOT what I am saying.


Thursday, September 22, 2011


Megan's prayer the other night before bed ...

Dear Jesus, I mean Heavenly Fa ... Father in heaven, thank you for this day. Thank you that we could be safe. *Thank you for this food. Thank you that Dad is my dad, and Mom is my mom, and Amanda's my sister, and I'm myself. Please help all the people who are kidnapped to be found. And please help all the people in prison to be better people if they get out or don't. In Jesus' name, Our Father Who ART in heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our debts as we forgive our **trespassers. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil for Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever, amen.

Megan: Mom, was that my best prayer ever?

Me: I'd say so.

* I've teased Meg that she doesn't have to pray for her food during the day because she always covers it at bedtime.

** After spending the night at a friend's house whose family uses the word "trespassers" instead of "debtors" while reciting The Lord's Prayer, Megan now likes to get both of those in there. :)

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Bedtime Cheers

I never know what bedtime will hold when it comes to Megan.

Last night I knelt down beside her bed to pray with her ...

Megan: Mom, look out.

Me: What?

Megan while lying on her back: I'm gonna' do this cheer: T D clap clap Touch Down clap clap T D clap clap Touch Down clap clap.

Me: Okay, time for prayers.

Megan: No, wait. I can do the cheer with my legs instead of my arms!

She proceeded to do the entire cheer while lying on her back, but with leg motions instead of hand motions. It was quite something. And I only almost got kicked in the head once.

Megan: I bet no one's done THAT before.

Me: I bet you're right.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Watch This!

Driving home from school ...

Megan: Mom, watch this!

Me: I can't "watch this" while I'm driving.

Megan: Okay, then just listen.

Me: What is that?

Megan: My farts.

At this point I turn around even though I'm still driving and see her making fart noises with her hands.

Me: Nice, Meg.

Megan: Thanks!

What is it with kids and fart noises?!

Monday, September 19, 2011

Eye Contact

I was finishing getting ready this past Saturday morning when Henry came out of the shower. The bathroom door was open, so he wrapped his towel around his waist. Right about then, Amanda walked into our bedroom and plopped down on the bed. As she began chatting, Henry's towel began to slip. I looked at Amanda, and saw that she was watching the whole thing. I turned to Henry while Amanda was still talking ...

Me: Uh, are you gonna' cover that up?

Henry: What? She's walked in on me before.

: And did she make eye contact?

Henry: You mean with my eyes?

Okay, that struck me really funny. Maybe this was one of those "you had to be there" moments, but I started laughing and laughing. Then Henry was laughing ...

Amanda: What is so funny?

Couldn't respond ... still laughing.

Amanda: Old people are weird.

Yeah, we just kept laughing.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Shirts vs. Skins

As we passed the elementary boys soccer practice the other day after school ...

: Hey! Why do some of them have their shirts off?

Me: They do that so they can tell who's on which team. They call it Shirts vs. Skins.

Megan: Cool! I wanna' do that!

Me: Uh, no. Girls don't play that way.

Megan: Aw, man!!

Should I be nervous? Do you think she understood that she is NOT to take her shirt off while playing sports?! Hard to say ... as soon as we got home, she took off her shirt and headed out back to play with the dogs. I said, "Hey! You're half naked!" Her shrug did not reassure me AT ALL.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

A Looth Tooth

Megan's top right front tooth has been loose forever!

She was finally able to pull it out at school Tuesday.

Megan: How much money do you think I'll get for this tooth?

Me: How much did you get last time?

Megan: 1 dollar.

Me: Well, that's probably what you'll get then.

Megan: Aww. I wanted 2 bucks.

Later she wrote this note for the tooth fairy ...

Thank you for taking my tooth.
I want 2 bukes
Thank you.
From Megan.
To the most wonderful tooth fairy ever.

And yes, she got 2 "bukes" instead of just 1.

Hey ... she ended the note with "Amen", so it was almost like a prayer, right?

Btw ~ Her older sister, Amanda, has saved all of her baby teeth, refusing to surrender them to the Tooth Fairy. I wonder if she thinks she'll get more money if she turns them in as a set?

Wednesday, September 14, 2011


The girls had a dental appointment Monday afternoon (The same day I went over the edge with 3rd grade math homework. It all makes sense now, doesn't it?)

Megan was bragging before the appointment because she didn't have to get x-rays (which she hates), but Amanda did.

Well, pride cometh before unexpected x-rays.

The dentist thought Meg had 2 cavities, but wanted to confirm with x-rays. Yeah, they were confirmed alright. Ugh.

The dental assistant broke the news to me.

Dental Assistant: Megan has 2 cavities in her lower molars. It's too late to put sealants on those, but we can still put sealants on her top molars.

Okay, I remember getting a paper after Henry took them to the dentist last time, recommending Megan get sealants, which I thought was a great idea ... but I assumed it would be done at her next appointment (which was this one!) Apparently not. APPARENTLY I was supposed to schedule a separate appointment for the sealant application. UGH!!!!

Me: Why is it too late to put sealants on the bottom molars?

At this point the dental assistant tried her best to not make me feel stupid. At least that's what I like to think.

Dental Assistant: Because they already have decay. You have to apply the sealants before decay.

Me: Oh.

Sealants before decay. Go figure.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Check Please!!

I'm so DONE.

Motherhood is too hard and I'm too tired to continue.

What put me over the edge this time? 3RD GRADE MATH!!! (Okay, and the 3rd grader doing the math.)

After working all day (and for her ... going to school all day), who wants to do 3 pages of math homework?! We certainly didn't! And it showed. She kept popping up out of her seat to do who knows what, and I didn't even have the energy to chastise her. And because I was sitting there trying to help her, dinner certainly wasn't getting made by itself, so when she asked if she could have some applesauce, how could I refuse? It was 6:30 by this time for cryin' out loud! Then when I heard the washing machine finish it's cycle, I went to take care of that and when I returned, I found this:

Yes, those are communion cups (collected from church after service), now filled with applesauce. Way to focus, Meg.

By the time we finished, it was 7:00 and we hadn't eaten dinner (because it still wasn't made!), and the girls hadn't bathed, and I had a headache, and, and, AND, AND, AND!!!!!

By the time the girls were fed and bathed, I realized that I had needed to go poop for like 2 hours, but hadn't had the chance. So while they were getting into their pj's, I went to go take care of business. And here's the sad thing: After sitting there for a few minutes, I couldn't remember if I'd actually pooped or not. I'm not even kidding. I was so worn out that I had to take a look to see what, if anything, I'd accomplished so far.

And yes, I am on suicide watch, as a matter of fact.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Gotta' Have It

Before driving to the school's football game, I looked for my stadium cushion so I'd be a little more comfortable while watching my girls cheer. I couldn't find it. :(

As we were walking toward the football stadium ...

Megan: Uh, Mom, sorry for saying this, but where's your "butt comfort"?

Me: My what?

Megan: You know, your "butt comfort" ... that thing you sit on so your bottom doesn't hurt.

Me: Oh, that. I couldn't find it.

Megan: Too bad.

And it was. My tush is getting too old for this.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Her Compliments to the "Chef"

Have I mentioned before how much I dislike cooking?

This week we had Monday off for Labor Day. I felt it was fitting for me to not have to cook on Labor Day, so I suggested we go out for dinner. All were in favor except for Megan. She threw quite a fit when she found out we wouldn't be be eating at home.

First she said she didn't feel well. Then she said she didn't like eating at restaurants. Then she had the audacity to say, "We eat out ALL THE TIME!! I want to eat at home for once!!"

Um, what? We eat out 'all the time'? If that were the case, I'd be a much happier person.

Her tizzy put me in a bad mood, so I made some crappy pasta for the family and we ate in irritated silence.

Fast forward to the day after, and now we're back to me "cooking" on a weeknight.

I wanted warmed up rice and beans. Amanda wanted a bean burrito. Megan wanted chicken noodle soup. Henry wasn't home, so I was able to whip these items out in like 10 minutes.

Megan: Mom! This is the best square chicken you've ever made!!

Amanda: She didn't make it. She put it in the microwave.

Me: Hey, now ...

If Meg wants to compliment me on my square chicken (thank you, Campbell's), let her! Am I right, or am I right?

Thursday, September 8, 2011


While doing math homework ...

Megan: Ooh, seventeen! My favorite number!!

Me: I didn't know seventeen was your favorite number.

Megan: Yeah, because I think I'll be prettier when I'm seventeen.

I guess that means 9 more years of just being pretty, then it's on to prettiER. Heaven, help me.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Tears for Shears

Megan was acting a little strange. When I asked her if she was okay, she said she wasn't feeling good. Then she started pulling at her hair in the front. She pulled so hard that fist-fulls of hair came out. Then she did it again with the same result.

Me: Megan! Why are you pulling your hair out?

Megan: I want it shorter.

Me: Well that's not the way to do it. If you want me to schedule a haircut with Pitin, I can, but it won't be for a few days.

Megan: Can't you cut it?

Me: I can, but it wouldn't look as good as having Pitin do it.

She ran down the hall to her bedroom.

When I followed her, she motioned for me to come into her bedroom. Then in a whisper, with tears in her eyes ...

Megan: I cut my hair.

Me: You did?

Megan showed me the section of hair near her face that had been cut from below her shoulders to shoulder-length.

Me: Looks like I'm gonna' have to cut it after all, huh?

Megan, looking relieved and skeptical, followed me into the bathroom.

As I was trimming ...

Megan: I was afraid to tell you I cut it.

Me: I'm sure you were. But you did the right thing by telling me. I hope you know that you can tell me anything. It's much better than trying to hide it, don't you think?

She nodded.

When we finished, she was practically bouncing off the walls with excitement. It looks so cute and fresh, if I may say so myself.

I hope my reaction to the mistake she made is sealed in her memory. It was one of those rare moments where I felt like I'd passed the mommy pop-quiz, you know? Most of the time I screw things up, but praise God for times like these. I pray that these are the times she remembers.

p.s. If you happen to see Meg after reading this, please don't let on that you know anything about her cutting her own hair. I know it sounds ridiculous (this being the "world wide" web and all), but I share these tidbits with you in confidence. The worst thing you can do is talk to my girls about things you've read on their mom's blog. Someday this is all going to end, but until then, let's keep it between you and me, okay?

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Are You My Mother?

Megan has been doing something lately that always takes me off guard.

We'll be walking around somewhere in public and she'll grab my arm. I'll stop and look down at her, then she'll ask, "Are you my mother?"

Surprisingly enough, I always say, "Yes." Then she relaxes and we walk on.

After about the 5th time she did this, I finally asked her what the deal was.

Megan: Because one time when we were at Target, I leaned on our shopping cart and started asking you a question. When I looked up at you, IT WASN'T YOU!! It was someone else!

Me: Ha ha! How'd that feel?

Megan: NOT good. So now I make sure it's you before I start talking or asking questions.

Me: Fair enough.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Marrying Yourself?

Megan: I'm going to marry myself.

Me: Did you say you're going to marry yourself?

Megan: Not anymore.

Me: Huh?

Megan: Not anymore. I just realized I'm boring.

Yeah, and I'm the Pope.

Friday, September 2, 2011


Megan and I were sitting at the table. She had finished her dessert when all of a sudden she started breathing in and out extremely fast and labored. I watched for a while, thinking she'd stop pretty soon after starting. When she didn't ...

Me: Why are you breathing like that?

Megan: Because I want (big breath) to get a lot (big breath) of air (big breath) in my mouth.

Ask a silly question ...

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Cute Baby

After taking a "First Day of School" picture of Megan & Amanda ...

Megan: Mom, can you print a copy of the picture for me at Walgreens?

Me: Sure.

Megan: Good, 'cause I want to put it in that photo album with all the baby pictures of me.

Me: Okay.

Megan: I can't believe how cute I was as a baby!!

Me: You were pretty cute.

Megan sighing: I know.