Wednesday, December 19, 2012

A Morning with Meg

Today Meg got her last 2 fillings. We opted to NOT have her tooth pulled because she still remembers her last tooth extraction back when she was 3 years old, and those are NOT pleasant memories (an abscessed tooth at age 3 ... can you even imagine the horror?)

As promised, we left the dentist and drove directly to Starbuck's for her coffee frap. The gal working the drive-thru window thought we were nuts for ordering a frozen beverage when it was only 46 degrees outside, but oh well. A promise is a promise. (She does look cold in this pic though, now that I look at it.)

Later, as we were driving to the pet store to get her baby fish ...

Meg:  Mom, look! A Verizon store! And there's a sign in the window that says, 'Megan needs a phone.'

Me:  Must be another Megan.

Meg:  Nope. It actually says, 'Megan Elizabeth Grimmius needs a phone.'

Me:  Nice try.

Later ...

Meg:  When I'm old enough to get my driver's license, I'm still gonna need you to drive me around.

Me:  Why's that?

Meg:  Because there's NO WAY I'm gonna remember how to get to all these different places.

Me:  Sure you will. By the time you're old enough to drive, you will have gone to these places so many times with me, that you'll remember how to get there and back home again.

Meg:  No, I'm gonna need you to drive still.

Good to know my job as her personal driver is secure.

And even later ...

Meg:  Did it hurt for you to have me?

Me:  You mean to give birth to you?

Meg:  Yeah.

Me:  Yep.

Meg:  But who hurt you more, me or Amanda?

Me:  Well, Amanda, because she was my first, and my body hadn't done that before. She took 20 hours to get out, but you only took 7. So Amanda definitely hurt more.

Meg:  YES!!

That's right. Everything is a competition between siblings!  I never guessed one would see a shorter labor as a personal victory, but apparently it is.

And this concludes my morning with Meg. The parts I can remember anyway.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Party Animal

It's amazing how life has changed now that I can leave the girls home alone for an hour here or there.  I remember at times wondering if this day would ever come.

Usually Megan likes to stay home with her older sister when I make a quick trip somewhere, but sometimes she goes with me instead.  

This was the case last weekend when I had to run an errand to a craft store.

When we were finished and walking back out to the car ...

Megan:  Can we go somewhere else?

Me:  No, we need to get home to Amanda.

Megan:  Oh yeah. She's probably having a party or something.

Me:  A party?

Megan:  Yeah, you know ... letting the dogs in the house ... eating stuff.

Me:  Right.  We better get home QUICK!!

Monday, December 10, 2012


Poor Megan. She inherited my bad teeth. Of course it doesn't help that she refuses to spend more than 10 seconds brushing them.

At her last check up, we were told that she had 4 cavities - 2 on the left and 2 on the right.  Last week she had the right side taken care of, and next week we go back for the left.  In addition to the fillings, the dentist also wants to pull a baby tooth whose adult tooth decided to make an appearance too soon, and as such, is way behind her front row of bottom teeth. Picture a shark's mouth, and you kinda' get the idea. Humans weren't meant to have two rows of teeth!

Megan has been fretting about next week's dental appointment ever since last week's appointment ended, saying that she would NOT be going back. So when she brought it up again tonight, I did what any rational mom would do ... I broke out the bribes.

Me:  Okay Meg, what could I give you to go to the dentist next week?

Meg:  What could you give me?

Me:  Yeah, like a reward for going to the dentist when you really don't want to go.

Meg:  What kind of a reward? Like on a scale from Limo to Trash ...

Me:  You mean limo being amazing and trash being really bad?

Meg:  Yeah, like a limo is a thousand dollars, and trash is ... nothing.

Me:  Well, I can tell you right now that you won't be getting a limo, and I would NEVER give you TRASH as a reward.

We then proceeded to run the gamut, trying to come up with bribes worthy of her, and affordable to me. 

We finally settled on TWO rewards:

1) A Coffee Frappuccino (Something she's always asking for, but never gets because of the caffeine. Since we'll be on Christmas break, I figured this would be the perfect time to make an exception.)

2) Either fake nails ($6.00 at Walgreens) or something for her fish aquarium.

I think she's actually looking forward to the appointment now.  I mean, on a scale of Limo to Trash ... this is pretty good, right?


Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Miracle Mascara

For 2 months now I've been using a new mascara. 

A mascara that DOESN'T SMUDGE!! IT'S TRUE!! 

I was beginning to wonder if such a mascara existed. My under-eye smudging had gotten to the point where I was wiping under my eyes so often, I thought I might be developing a tick.

So ... would you like to know the name of this miracle mascara? Of COURSE YOU WOULD!! Okay, here it is:  Double Extend Beauty Tubes Mascara by L'OREAL. I know that's a long and pretentious name, but you've just gotta get over that and read on.

Here's how it works: It's a 2-step process where you apply a base coat of white moisturizer-like stuff to your lashes first, and then top that with the black mascara. I'm  telling you, it's revolutionized my under-eye situation.

Alright. Testimony over. Moving on.

Megan usually isn't awake when I'm applying this wonderful goo, but the other morning she walked in while I was rockin' the base coat ...  

Meg:  Ooh, I like your white mascara! Can I try some?

Me:  No.

Meg:  Why are you putting black over it?

Me:  You thought I was gonna leave them white?

Meg:  Yeah.

Me:  The white is a base coat that the black clings to so it doesn't rub off during the day.

Meg:  OH. Grandma needs that.

Sorry, Grandma.

Monday, December 3, 2012

First Fish Flush

Since the end of October, the girls have acquired several fish.

And as expected, they've lost several fish as well.

The first death  was somewhat traumatic.

Meg came to me with tears in her eyes, holding her lifeless pet.

Meg:  I think my fish is dead.

Me:  You sure?

Meg:  I think it broke it's tail in the filter, and now it can't swim.

Me:  I'm sorry, Honey.

Meg:  I really loved this fish. sniff sniff

Me:  I know. Losing a pet is hard.

Meg suddenly looking less depressed and somewhat resolved:  Well, I've always wanted to flush a fish!

Me:  Well, GREAT! Let's do it!

And with that, we skipped to the loo, my darlin'.

Okay, not really.

We walked.


Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Fancy Feast

I still don't like  to cook. 

I used to think that would change as I aged, but alas, I was wrong.

Yesterday I heard the dreaded question from Amanda ...

I'm hungry. What's for dinner?

Me rubbing my temples: I've got meat for tacos.

Amanda: Do you really want to get that fancy?

Me: No.

That's right, not only does she get that I have a strong aversion to putting forth any effort in the kitchen when it comes to meals, but she thinks tacos are FANCY!! LOVE HER!!

So we had hot dogs. Wonderful, easy, un-fancy hot dogs.

Monday, November 19, 2012

The 3rd Person

Our family had a lot going on tonight. Henry and I were supposed to be at a vocal recording in his studio at the same time Amanda had a school council meeting, and Meg had to entertain the sitter at home.

The plan was for Amanda to text the sitter from my phone after her meeting ended, so she could be picked up and taken home.

Since she would be texting from my phone, I figured it should sound like me doing the texting ...

Me: When your meeting is over, text Mrs. Coomber something like, "Amanda is ready to be picked up."

Amanda: So I have to talk in the 3rd person?

Me: Do you have a problem with that?

Amanda: It's kinda' creepy.

Me: Do what you want.

Amanda: Okay, how 'bout, "The sweet girl is ready to be picked up."

Me: Sure.

Tami likes that.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Meg's Keith Urban Tribute

The girls and I are big Keith Urban fans.

Here are some of the lyrics to his song "Romeo's Tune" ...

Meet me in the middle of the day
Let me hear you say everything's okay
Bring me southern kisses from your room
Meet me in the middle of the night
Let me hear you say everything's alright
Let me smell the moon in your perfume

The other day in the car, Meg started singing this song a cappella.

Here are HER lyrics to the same song ...

Hit me in the middle the day
Let me hear you say that it's okay
Bring me southern pieces of your room
Oh yeah
Hit me in the middle the day
Let me hear you say that it's okay
Bring me southern kisses pieces from your room.

Not all that different, but they struck us as pretty funny. I guess because we couldn't picture Keith telling a girl to hit him, and then tell him "It's okay". So I thought I'd be all sly and capture her version over my shoulder on my phone. The first video is her catching me in the act.

This 2nd video is her performance, fully aware that the camera was rolling.

My apologies if this was one of those "you had to be there" moments. As a family, we certainly enjoyed it. :)

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Fire vs. Smoke

I had to go to Walmart for something, and took Megan with me.

While we were waiting in the checkout line, I watched as she looked longingly at all of the impulse shopping items on display. Colored duct tape was a major draw, but then I saw her eye-balling some Bic lighters. 

Megan:  Ooh, if this one didn't have a skull on it, I'd totally get these.

Me:  For WHAT??

Megan:  For the computer.

Me:  What exactly do you think those are?

Megan:  Memory sticks?

Me:  Um, no. Those are LIGHTERS.

Megan:  Oh.  Then I'd use them to light fireworks!!

Me:  Right.

Notice that she didn't say, "Oh. Then I'd use them to light cigarettes."   That's because we don't smoke. That's right. INSTEAD, we (and by "we" I mean "her father") allow her to light FIREWORKS on July 4th ... WITH REAL FIRE.

But we don't smoke. 

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

More Cookie Dough

I think I may have mentioned a time or two that I have an affinity for cookie dough.

This means that from time to time I make cookie dough, scoop it up into little balls and store it in the freezer so that I can bake eat it whenever the urge strikes.

A while back, Meg saw me snag a cookie dough ball from the freezer.

Meg:  Again? MORE cookie dough?!

Me:  I know.

Meg:  Bet you're glad I don't like cookie dough.

Me:  Yes, I am actually.

Meg:  Why, so there's MORE for YOU?

Me:  Well, I was gonna' say because it's bad for you, but yeah, what you said.

Ugh. Cookie Dough Police ... worse than a Hall Monitor any day.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Guilt Trips

It was the Monday before Halloween. 

A Monday following a full weekend of NO SLEEPING IN. 

A Monday following a week on my first-ever-old-person medication (at least that's what Amanda told me. Yep. If you HAVE to take a medication EVERY DAY, you are officially OLD.) Anyway, this medication kicked my tail. Side Effects = Dry Cough + TOTAL EXHAUSTION.

So after work Monday, I was basically a walking zombie without the cool costume when we stopped by Henry's office on our way home. Or so I thought.

Amanda:  I want to go look for my Halloween costume, but Mom said 'No'.

It's true. I said 'No' because not only was I "Dead Mom Walking", but I'd also told her that we needed to wait for payday to go shopping for an over-priced costume. Of course, that didn't stop her from pleading her case to her father.

Henry then says to me WITHIN EARSHOT OF AMANDA:  Well, maybe you'll get inspired to shop for a costume a little later.

So much for the spouse's support.

Me:  Thanks.

So we headed across town, because Amanda had been studying Egypt in school and wanted to be Cleopatra for Halloween. To her credit, she'd gone online and googled "Inexpensive Cleopatra Costumes", and saw that K-mart had what she wanted. Unfortunately, I turned into the wrong parking lot and ended up at Party City, instead of K-Mart. And there was no way in you-know-where, that I was going to go back out on the road, wait at a stoplight and make a u-turn just to shop at K-mart. The way I was feeling, driving across the country would be equally taxing.

We walked into Party City, and I was instantly reminded why I hate Halloween. It's all that icky stuff ... skulls, scary masks, bloody whatevers ... just being in a store like that makes my skin crawl. 

Nevertheless, we make it to the wall-o-costumes, and after Megan picks out a $10 set of cat ears & tail, I tell Amanda that she has to find a costume for $30 or less. (The reason for this is because I had been given some birthday money, and had purchased something that I'd changed my mind about, and had returned a couple days prior, and the $43 from that transaction was still in my wallet. Of course, I had no intention of telling Amanda this. I'm just letting YOU know how we had money to shop for costumes when I'd originally said we'd have to wait for payday to do so. No, I didn't lie. I just didn't think that I wanted to spend my birthday money on Halloween costumes for my girls. Apparently I'm selfish like that.)

So as we're staring at all the costumes, Amanda sees a Cleopatra one for $50.

Me:  Sorry, that one's too expensive.

Amanda sighs.  Then points to a Wizard of Oz 'Dorothy' costume for $30.

Me:  That one's fine, but it doesn't come with red shoes. So as long as you're okay NOT having red shoes ...

Amanda sighs again.  And again.  Aaaand again.  So I decided to give her a quick lesson in gratitude.  I hadn't stooped this low in a while,  but I was desperate AND ON MEDICATION.

Me:  Just so you know, the only reason you're even able to pick out a costume tonight, is because I happen to have some of my BIRTHDAY MONEY in my purse. That's right. I'm going to use MY BIRTHDAY money on a COSTUME for YOU. So THAT is why you only have $30 to spend. That is ALL the BIRTHDAY MONEY I HAVE LEFT.

As I stood there with my arms folded across my chest, waiting for the weight of my words to sink in, I saw her heave a bigger sigh than even before. 

YES!! Mission accomplished!! GUILT TRIP TAKEN!!

Amanda:  Fine. But there's nothing good here for $30.

Oh. My. Word.

If there's a "Parenting through Manipulation" course out there, I definitely need to enroll, because I'm obviously doing it ALL WRONG!!

Monday, October 8, 2012

Farting in the Deep by Megdele

Meg was in rare form last night. She asked me if I wanted to hear her new words to Adele's "Rolling in the Deep" song. I said, "Sure," and what came forth was nothing short of hilarious, embarrassing, and to some - offensive. 

I believe my mother might fall into the category of those who would be offended so ...  

Mom, Be forewarned: Meg sings the word butt and fart in this rendition, so brace yourself, and send up a prayer for her while you're at it.

By the way, once Meg got "wind" of the fact that I was considering posting this on my blog, she recorded several versions ~ trying to get it perfect, but this first one makes me laugh the most because it was the most spontaneous.

Oh, and my sincere apologies to the amazing Adele.

I've been told that the videos can't be seen on mobile phones, so sorry about that too. Guess you'll have to fire up the 'ole computer to view this baby.

Friday, October 5, 2012


Did you ever listen in on a phone conversation as a child? Like perhaps you picked up the phone to use it, not realizing that someone else in the house was already on. Then, rather than hang up ... you held your breath and listened in for a bit. Ever do that before? Yeah, me neither.

Last night I received a call from the mother of a student in Megan's class.  After saying, "Hello," I heard the unmistakable sound of someone picking up another receiver in the house.  I considered telling the eavesdropper to hang up, but figured there wouldn't be any delicate subject matter discussed, so I'd just let it play out.

I was actually impressed with how quiet she was during the phone conversation. There was no heavy breathing, no giggling, just a bunch of extra "ambiance" from the room in which she spied.

I thought she was home free as the other mother and I said our goodbyes.

Caller:  Thanks, I'll see you tomorrow, goodbye.

Me:  Okay, goodbye.

Then Megan super-duper loudly yells: GOODBYE!!!

Ugh. So close.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Covering Up

A few weeks ago we were on our way out to dinner ...

Now just because it was mid-September, does NOT mean it was cooling off in the evenings. No siree bob. At 7:30 p.m. it was still way over 90 degrees. But that's life in California's Central Valley, I guess.

Okay, so it's time to leave and Meg comes out dressed in a tank top, daisy duke's and flip flops ...

Me:  I know it's warm outside, but it might be cool in the restaurant so you should probably change into jeans, or at least bring a sweater.

So she goes back to her room and comes out in this:

That's right, just switch out flips for boots, and you're good to go.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Prayer Posture

I don't know about you, but I close my eyes when I pray. It's how I was taught, and quite frankly, it's much easier to stay focused on your prayer with your eyes closed anyway.

That said, I also close my eyes when I pray with my girls at bed time. I know for a fact that Megan doesn't, because often times she'll say something like, "Jesus, please help Mom to be nicer tomorrow." And upon hearing that, I'll shake my head. Then the very next thing she prays is, "And please help her to stop shaking her head." And that's about the time I start laughing and hear her say, "And please help her to stop laughing." 

Yeah. Prayers with Meg are anything but dull.

Last night I told Meg that I needed to get to bedtime prayers sooner than later because I still had to go out and do the grocery shopping afterwards.  So she began to pray ...

Dear Jesus,
Thank you for this day.
Thank you that we can be safe.
Thank you for this food.
Thank you that I'm flexible and can do this while I pray.

I took a peek and saw Meg on her back with her legs straight up in the air. I shook my head and closed my eyes again, because what else can you do? She continued ...

Please keep Mom safe at the store when she buys tampons, and make-up, and toilet paper. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

As usual, God answered her prayer and granted me a safe trek to the 3 different stores where I was able to purchase all that I needed INCLUDING FOOD, just in case anyone was wondering.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Easy Bake Crap

If there's one thing Megan can't resist, it's a food-making toy.

If there's one thing I CAN'T STAND, it's a FOOD-MAKING TOY.

Why, oh WHY do toy companies insist on creating these hard-to-operate items for children?! 

Over the last couple years, much to my chagrin, Meg has accumulated the following:

Candy Ring Maker
Cake Making/Decorating Kit 
Dippin' Dots Maker
DQ Blizzard Ice Cream Maker

Last weekend she spent some birthday money on an Easy Bake Oven.

She couldn't WAIT to make the cake pops shown on the outside of the box. And who could blame her? I mean, LOOK at them:

So we followed the 85 step directions, and were somewhat disappointed at how they compared to the promised result:

When I voiced my disgust at Easy Bake's false advertisement, Amanda was quick to point out that it was Meg's fault (what are sisters for, right?) ...

"Mom, it says right on the box, 'Quality based on skill level'."

Fine. But even so, there's NO WAY anyone is gonna' convince me that these crap cake pops are worth the $50 price tag, not to mention my SANITY.

And yes, she already has her eye on her next purchase ... a Cotton Candy Maker!! Can you EVEN imagine?!

Just kill me now.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Holy Water

Our school  is located on church property.

After school the girls have some time to kill before I'm ready to leave work for the day. Usually anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour. 

Just enough time to get into mischief.

Earlier this week, Meg was hanging out with a friend, and at some point Amanda let me know that Meg had been playing in the Prayer Garden.

Yeah, probably not the most appropriate place to play.

When she made it back up to my office ...

Me:  Were you in the Prayer Garden?

Megan:  Yeah! We got money!!

Me:  Out of the fountain?!

Megan:  Yeah, that's why I'm wet.  Do I smell holy?

Me after taking a whiff:  No, actually, you smell like chlorine.

Megan completely dejected:  Oh.

Okay, and I'm just now realizing that I didn't even address the whole stealing money out of a fountain, in a PRAYER garden, ON CHURCH PROPERTY thing!! Hello??!?!?!??

I guess I was too amused that she wanted to know if she smelled "holy", that I forgot the whole parenting part of my life. I mean, that's funny, right? And what does "holy" even smell like anyway?

I know, I know ... I gotta' talk to her.  'Cause what's next? Taking a little something for herself as the offering bag is passed her way? 

Don't worry. I'm on it.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Headache "Prayers"

Last year Megan wanted one of those water bottles that doubles as a mister, because sometimes it's just not enough to drink the water ... sometimes you need to wear it as well.

So I bought it for her and within a week she'd broken the mister part of the bottle.


Now she wants another one, and since she knows I won't buy it, she's decided to use some of her birthday money. Fine.

Yesterday afternoon she begged and begged to go to Sports Authority so she could make the purchase, but since I had a terrible headache, I told her we'd have to wait until today. The problem with that? My headache decided to hang on for another 24 hours. Ugh.

When she found out we weren't going today either, you would have thought sugar had been outlawed or something. I mean, how on EARTH can you send your child to school withOUT a water bottle that MISTS?! Child abuse at it's finest.

Anyway, I apologized for my medical condition, and thought I'd heard the last of it. 

What I forgot, was that bedtime prayers were just around the corner. And we all know that that is the perfect time to "talk to God" with your mother as a captive audience.  

Her prayer was as follows ...

Dear Jesus,  

Thank you for this day. 
Thank you that everybody could be safe. 
Thank you for this food. 
Please help mom's headache to GO AWAY, because 2 things:
1) It's irritating her, and 2) It's irritating ME, because I can't go to Sports Authority!

In Jesus' Name, Amen.

And Amen. :)

Wednesday, September 12, 2012


Megan:  Mom, look at ma thongue.

Me:  What is that on there? A grape?

Megan:  Yeth, ith ma thongue cover.

Me:  Mmm kay.

Megan:  Take a picthure and put it on your blog.

Me:  Nah. That's not that funny.

Megan:  Awww.

Me:  Now what IS funny, is that fart obsession video that you said I COULDN'T put on my blog.  Can I put THAT on there instead?

Megan:  Okay.

So here it is. I laugh 'till I cry every time. Keep any eye on her face and how serious she is once she gets going (of course that changes to sheer glee {and dancing} later on.) 

I swear she's gonna' have boys lined up around the block with skills like this.

Oh ... and just because she gave me permission to post it, does NOT mean you should tell her that you saw it. Capiche?