Black Friday

Some stores opened at 3 AM on Black Friday. Most had the sense to wait until 4 AM, because 3 AM is just silly.

There were a few "door buster" items I wanted, so I actually planned to hit the stores when they opened. I KNOW. Crazy.

I slept in my clothes and didn't move all night so as to keep my hair in perfect wake-n-go fashion.

The alarm went off at 3:40 AM. I hit the snooze and started thinking ... this is kind of dangerous ... shopping by myself in the middle of the night. Maybe I should just go back to sleep. Then the alarm went off again, and I just decided to take a chance and go!

I checked my hair (acceptable), brushed my teeth, but skipped the make-up because who puts make-up on at 4:30 AM? Exactly.

I arrived at the parking lot of my chosen stores and guess what? It was FULL. At 4:30 AM!! I was lucky to find a parking spot AT ALL. It was like shopping in the middle of the day! Who were all of these insane people shopping at this ungodly hour?!

Anyway, I was in good company with the no make-up thing. Until, say, 8 AM. Yeah, I shoulda' thought that through. By 8 AM, the normal people were out. People who had showered and put themselves together. And here I am, looking like I've been shopping since 4:30 AM. Nice.

All in all, it was a good shopping experience. Though I found it interesting that at 3 different stores, I ended up in line with 3 different sets of sisters. Does that seem strange to anyone? It was as if they were mocking me, because MY sister lives in TEXAS. (Waaaaa!) I ended up chatting with each set of siblings, and would like to award the Target sisters with the "Sweetest Sisters" award. They held my place in the 1/2 hour line so I could find my $3.99 copy of The Blind Side dvd. THEN, because all the shopping carts were taken by 4:30 AM, they let me put my stuff in their cart! (I still had to pay for my items though.) They were just darling. Probably in their mid 50's. AND they weren't wearing make-up either, so yeah, they were my faves. :)

The JC Penney sisters were nice enough. They were behind me, so I got to eavesdrop on their conversation for a good 20 minutes while waiting in line. And the only reason I was listening is because they both had very loud voices. It wasn't until I accidentally jabbed one in the gut with my elbow, that we started chatting. I know. Isn't that terrible? I told her it would make a great Black Friday story ... getting slugged in the stomach by some crazy make-up-less shopper at Penney's? Come on! Who wouldn't tell that to a few people?

The Kmart sisters were fine, just not as friendly. They were doing that thing where they stood in different lines to see which one would make it to the register first. Of course it would be the sister in front of ME. So over came sis #2 with her full shopping cart. Oh well. I still enjoyed seeing them interact with each other, and by "interact" I mean "argue". Needless to say, the song "Sisters" from the movie White Christmas came to mind SEVERAL times Friday morning.

After all that, I hope my girls like the pj's I got them for $5.00. Oh sure there were other door buster items I was able to get my hands on, but the $15.00 flannel pj's marked down to $5.00 is what really got me out of bed. I won't mention that they rang up @ $10.00 once I finally got up to the check-out. Can you EVEN imagine? Going out in public at that ridiculous hour for a pair of $5.00 pj's, and then getting charged $10.00 for them?! Yes, I brought it to the checker's attention, and he made the correction without hesitation. I'm obviously scary at that time of day.

Anyhoo, Merry Christmas everyone!! Especially you, Tiffers! Someday we'll have to do Black Friday together so other people can blog about what fabulous sisters we are!! xoxo

Mom FAIL

We were headed to Visalia for a little extended family time the day after Thanksgiving.

One thing the girls always mention on our way to Visalia, is the bad smelling dairies we pass in route. This time was no different. Except for the fact that I tried to say something funny about it, and it was NOT received well ...

Amanda: Mom, does it smell on your side of the car?

Me: Huh? Why would it only smell on this side of the car?

Amanda: Megan said it smelled like cow manure, but I don't smell anything on my side.

Me: Well, maybe it's Megan manure, if she's the only one who can smell it.

Amanda laughed. I laughed. Megan did not. I waited for her to argue with my theory, but was met with silence. Uh oh.

Amanda: Uh Mom, Megan's crying. Just so you know.

Great.

I apologized to Megan three times, but was never acknowledged.

Guess Thanksgiving is officially over, thanks to me.

Ugh.

Just Say No to Daylight Exercising

Whenever I've exercised, it's always been in the morning. I like to get it out of the way. As a mom, it's been EARLY morning. Like dark-outside-morning. Like 4:30 a.m. morning.

Wednesday was different though. I had the day off, so I slept in (yay!) But that meant that I was exercising in the daylight. Kinda weird for this gal whose used to vampire hours when it comes to working out. It only took a few minutes to confirm why I prefer exercising before my family is awake ...

Me: Okay girls, I'm gonna' be on this thing (elliptical) for 30 minutes. Try to leave me alone for at least that long, okay?

Amanda & Megan: Okay.

I get going, and maybe 5 minutes into it, I see the girls dancing in front of me singing "Go Mom! Go Mom! You're awesome! Good job!" It's hard to ellipticise (pretty sure that's a word) and laugh at the same time, in case you've never tried it.

Me: Stop! Please, stop the dancing and singing. Seriously!

They stop and go back to playing with their dolls.

About 5 minutes later, I'm heated up enough to shed my tank top, exposing my sports bra.

Amanda: Mom! Is that a sports bra?!

Me: Yeah.

Amanda: Cool. (?)

Megan then proceeds to dance in front of me yet again, only this time singing "Mom's wearing a sports bra! A sports bra! Nice sports bra!"

Me (while laughing): Come ON. Let me finish. Stop! Puh-lease!!

Megan stops. I continue. The rest of the time I was interrogated by the calorie burning police.

Megan: Mom, how many calories have you burned so far?

Me: 135.

Amanda: The most I've ever burned is 200.

Me: Uh huh.

Several minutes later.

Megan: How many calories have you burned now, Mom? Hmmm?

Me: 250.

Amanda: Wow! The most I've ever burned is 200.

Me: Uh huh. (I heard you the first time. Please just let me finish.)

THIS is why people have gym memberships. Or in my case, why people exercise at 4:30 a.m.

Knock, knock ...

I walked by Megan's door today and saw this:

Love her.

The Thankful Tree

Megan: Mom, we made a Thankful Tree at school today.

Me: Nice.

Megan: Okay, listen to what I'm thankful for.

Me: Okay.

Megan: School ...

Me: I thought you didn't like school.

Megan: No, remember? I told you to tell my teacher that I like school. Just not study hall.

Me: Oh right. Go on.

Megan: ... my dogs, the Bible, God, the world, my sister, police ...

Me: Did me and Dad make it onto the tree?

Megan: Uh, no.

Me: Oh.

"Family" was on the tree, so technically the parental unit did make it on. As far as I'm concerned, we're totally thankfulled for. Yes, I said "thankfulled".

Tap it. Tap it Good.

Brushing teeth. It's not something kids seem to do on their own. Ever. Not only do they have to be reminded to brush their teeth, but mine have to be reminded several times.

I can't really blame them though. I don't remember brushing my teeth early in my childhood. I do remember, however, having a revelation one day in elementary school: Wow, my breath is baaaad. I'll bet I could help this situation by brushing my teeth. And so it began. Brushing my teeth everyday ... in the morning, at least.

I like to think I've learned a thing or two about brushing my teeth since those early days. For one, I brush twice a day now! Yeah, it's true. I even floss every night (okay the flossing thing has only been an every night ritual for the past 3 months, but still.) Oh, and we have these highly efficient electric toothbrushes that do all the work for you. Well, almost all the work ...

About a month after purchasing these electric toothbrushes, I happened to notice that mine was leaving a green slimy ring on the counter, and there was more of the green slime at the base of the toothbrush neck. Hmmm. I looked over at Henry's toothbrush. It was as if he'd never used it. Clean and pristine. No green slime anywhere. What gives?

I decided To start drying off my toothbrush after each brushing to see if that would help.

And drumroll please .... it didn't help one bit. What in the world?! Could my mouth really be that much more disgusting than my husband's? No way.

So I finally asked him what his secret was to keeping such a tidy toothbrush. He couldn't think of anything special that he did when he brushed, so he asked me to brush for him (And yes, for those of you wondering, THIS is how we keep our marriage of 16 years exciting!)

I brushed.

I spit.

I sucked the remaining water from the brush.

I spit again.

I dried off my toothbrush.

I set it down on the counter.

Ta da!

Not so fast.

Henry: Okay, and do you tap it?

Me: Tap it? What do you mean, 'tap it'?

Henry: You know, on the edge of the sink to get the rest of the water out.

Me: I don't tap it. I've never tapped it. Why would I tap it?

Henry: Didn't you tap your regular toothbrush before we got these electric ones?

Me: Uh, no.

Just then I took a look at our two non-electric toothbrushes standing side by side in the holder. And guess what? Mine was all corroded with toothpaste slobber, and his was perfectly clean!! Ugh!!!

Me: Okay, who taps their toothbrushes?! Seriously. Why would anyone think to do that?

Henry: I don't know. I guess guys are just used to ... tapping things.

Ha! Ha! And there you have it.

So I ask you: Do you tap your toothbrush? I've tapped mine for the past few weeks and I must say, "It works!" Go figure.

The only downside to this tapping ritual, is the song that goes through my head every time I "tap it". Remember the 80's hit "Whip It" by Devo? Yeah, only insert the words, "Tap It. Tap it good!" du na na na na ... na na, du na na na na ... na na.

Hot Family

Megan: Mom, you and Amanda and Dad are hot.

Me: Hot?

Megan: Yeah like "Pretty Hot" and "Handsome Hot".

Me: Well, thank you.

She just said what you all were thinking.

Because I Care

It was 5:00 p.m. The sitter would be arriving in about 45 minutes. The house was a mess, but no one seemed to notice (or EVER seems to notice) but ME. So I start "picking up" all the stuff that does not belong in the general family area. And by "general family area" I mean KITCHEN TABLE (Why in the world does everything end up on the table?! You know, the place where we're supposed to eat?!)

So while I'm sweeping through the house with arms full of toys, socks, shoes, kleenex, and the like ... Henry's in the shower, Amanda's kickin' back on the couch watching TV, and Megan's working on a curly ribbon "craft".

Megan: Mom, can you help me curl this ribbon?

Me: Not right now, no.

Megan: Just real quick. Can you show me how to curl the ribbon?

Me: NO. Can't you see that I'm trying to put away all this STUFF (read "crap") before the sitter gets here? Oh sure, I'd like to fix my hair before it's time to leave, but nooooo I'm doing THIS instead.

Megan (clearly not understanding her role in this guilt trip I was trying to take her on): Well, any mom who cared would help her daughter curl ribbon.

Me: Ugh. Gimmie the scissors.

I stopped what I was doing and curled some ribbon. Why? I wish I could give you a noble reason, but the truth is ... the thought came to me: If I died in a car accident tonight (because I'm optimistic like that), do I want her last memory to be that of me refusing to curl her ribbon, so I could continue running around the house like the Tasmanian Devil? Uh, no.

The lamest part about all this? It took me all of 15 seconds to curl her ribbon. Mmm hmmm. All that huffing and puffing because I didn't think I could stop to help my daughter with something that took a measly 15 seconds!

Pathetic.

I'm MEAN!!

The drive home yesterday afternoon could have been better, but what else is new?

Megan: Mom, where's my bag with the candy corns on it?

Me: I don't know.

Megan: It was IN your OFFICE.

Me: Well, if it was IN my OFFICE, then it's in one of 4 places: your backpack, your sister's backpack, my purse, or this little suitcase thingy.

Megan: It's not in my backpack!

Amanda: It's not in mine either.

Megan: Let me check your purse.

Me: Here.

Megan: IT'S NOT IN HERE EITHER!! YOU LOST MY BAG!!

Me: First of all, you haven't checked the suitcase thingy. Second of all, YOUR candy corn bag is not MY responsibility. I cleaned up all of YOUR stuff, which I didn't have to do. If it's that important to you, you should have kept track of it.

Megan: You're MEAN!!

Me: Uh huh.

I then looked in the suitcase deal while I was stopped at a red light. Whataya' know? There was the bag she was looking for.

Me: Look what I found.

Megan: Thank you, Mommy!!

Me: Uh huh.

About 10 minutes pass.

Megan: Mom, can we go to that Pizza Hut with the Squinkie vending machines before we go home? I want to use a quarter to get another Squinkie.

Me: No, we can't.

Megan: WHY NOT?!

Me: Because I'm MEAN, remember?

Yeah, that went over well.

Okay, I am so getting this t-shirt for Christmas.

And is it just me, or is that a man modeling a "Mean Mom" t-shirt? Hmm. Still getting it.

The Silver Lining

So I got a call from Megan's teacher yesterday afternoon. It was not a social call. Without going into details, I'll just say that I was mortified by what I heard. I hung up the phone and thought, "What next? How in the world will I survive a lifetime of phone calls like this? How big of an ulcer will I end up with anyway?"

Yeah ... NOT a happy afternoon.

I picked Meg up from school, and she was obviously upset. She knew she was in trouble. Do you remember that feeling? It's terrible, isn't it? Making a poor choice as a kid, then your parents find out, THEN you have to wait until "the talk" and THEN the punishment. Ugh! Why does life have to be so dang hard?

When we got back to my office, I told Meg that I was not going to talk to her about what happened right then (because I knew someone might walk in on us, and I didn't want her to be embarrassed.) She looked at me, almost pleading. I said, "Unless you want to talk about it now?" She nodded her head. I completely understood. Rip the bandaid off already!

I said what I needed to say, and she was more receptive than any other time I've had to "talk" to her about bad behavior. As it turned out, I was actually able to tell her something that I've been meaning to tell her, but hadn't yet and that was this: That no matter what she does in this lifetime, no matter how bad or terrible it is, I will always love her. Sure I might be mad or disappointed in her behavior, but there is absolutely nothing she could ever do that would make me not love her.

Based on her expression, I don't think she'd ever realized that before. Somehow I think she thought my love was conditional, which is so sad to me. Perhaps this is what it took to finally make her understand that a mother's love is forever.

So, what started as a nightmarish afternoon, turned out to be a gift for both of us. Thank You, Lord!

Did you know ...

... that when Barbies break their arms, they heal in 3 weeks, instead of our 6 week recovery time?

AND they can continue with their horse riding lessons ... they just have to learn to ride side saddle (without using their hands)?

It's true. Amanda said so.

Megan's Heart

Megan is 7 years old. She pushes my buttons more than anyone, but also makes me laugh harder than anyone. She's a goof. She's a love. She's Megan.

Yesterday morning in church, the choir sang a powerful song entitled "When I Speak Your Name". I don't know if it was during the song or right after that Megan wrote down the following ...

I Love Jesus.

Holy Jesus.

I love to sing to make him happy.

I love to go to church to sing to Jesus.

I love to go to school to lern more abaut Jesus.

Jesus is so so so so so Holy.

And God is Holy.

My sister Amanda blevs in Jesus too.

My momy and my dady and me blevs in Jesus too.

Out of the mouths of babes, right?

So ... do YOU believe?

If you don't now, you will one day ...

Chicken What?

It was time for Megan to get out of the bathtub. I went in, but startled her apparently.

Megan: Oh!! You scared me!!

Me: Sorry. Time to get out.

Megan: Scared me like a chicken!

Me: Like a chicken?

Megan: Yeah. Like a chicken LEG! (giggles)

Me: Alright.

Megan: Like a chicken DANCE! (full-on laughter now)

Me: Okaaay.

Megan: Like a chicken MOUTH! (uproarious laughter at this point)

Me: You need to get out.

Megan: Like a chicken HEAD!! (now she can hardly catch her breath for laughing so hard at her hilarious self)

This went on for quite some time. After a while, I began laughing too. Not at what she was saying (though 'chicken mouth' is pretty funny), but laughing at HER laughing at HERSELF.

Good times.

Not so Fancy Nancy

Yesterday was book character dress-up day at school. Amanda dressed up as Nancy Drew (already had the costume from Halloween, yay!) Megan decided to go as Fancy Nancy.

I pulled together a darling outfit for Megan, if I may say so myself ... Hot pink headband with a sequin flower, hot pink shirt with bling, light pink lace skirt, hot pink leggings (it's cold this time of year!), pink shoes and the one thing that just screams FANCY: A light pink feather boa! I was so excited for her to put it on. I shoulda' known better.

Me: Come on, Meg, it's time to get dressed.

Megan: Uh, I'm not wearing that (hot pink sequin headband), or those (pink shoes), or THAT (pink feather boa).

Me: Wait, you're not gonna' wear the feather boa? How will people know you're Fancy Nancy without a feather boa?

Megan: I'll tell them.

So yeah, not only did she refuse the feather boa, headband and shoes, but because it was so cold outside, she went with jeans under the skirt instead of leggings. Oh, and we put her hair up in a ponytail, because that is soooo fancy. Honestly, she looked no different than she does on any other non-dress-up school day. Skirts over jeans? She's been sportin' that look for a couple years now.

I thought for sure she'd get to school and wish she had the feather boa, so I snuck it in her backpack in a plastic grocery bag. Note to self: Plastic grocery bags make noise in backpacks. The sound tipped her off, she looked in her backpack and said ...

Megan: Mom!! WHAT is THIS doing in my BACKPACK?!

Me: I thought you might change your mind when you got to school and no one knew who you were.

She took it and threw it on the kitchen table.

Thanks to me she wasn't just a Not so Fancy Nancy, but an ANGRY Not so Fancy Nancy. Good job, Mom.

When I picked her up from school, I had to ask ...

Me: So did anyone know who you were?

Megan: Yes.

Me: Were you wishing you had the feather boa? (I know, I KNOW ... why can't I just let it go already? I shoulda' just worn it myself to get it out of my system. I obviously have issues with feather boas.)

Megan: No, it's dumb.

Me: Got it. (Finally. No, really.)

Operation Christmas Wii

Have you heard of Operation Christmas Child? If you have not, please click here to learn more about this amazing ministry.


The girls have filled two shoe boxes for this cause through their school, and then last night got to fill more at church. Needless to say, Operation Christmas Child has been on the brain.


When we got home from church last night, the girls wanted to play the Wii. Usually this would be unheard of on a school night, but since today is Veteran's Day (Thank you, Veterans and currently enlisted men and women who are fighting for our freedom!!) they were allowed to play a few (read "15") games. About halfway through the Wii marathon ...



Megan: You know what would be cool? Is if instead of toothbrushes and coloring books, we filled the shoeboxes with Wii's!

Me: Hmmm.

Amanda: That would be too overwhelming for them, Megan. Besides, they don't have enough outlets over there.




Yep. If only they had more outlets ... Our church has raised money for wells, so villages in Africa could have fresh water. I can't believe we missed the real need: Outlets for Wii consoles.

Fake Nails NOW

To say that Megan loves fake nails really doesn't begin to scratch the surface of her passion for them. I don't know why she has this obsession, but she does, and we deal with it the best we know how.

For the past 2-3 weeks, Megan has actually been saving her money. She counted it out Monday and announced ...

Megan: Five dollars! I have five dollars! Mom, is that enough to buy fake nails?

Me: I think so. I wanna' say they're five or six dollars.

Megan: Awesome! Can we go tonight to buy some?

Me: No.

This answer was not what Meg wanted to hear, so after a mini-meltdown, she said ...

Megan: Fine, we'll go tomorrow.

Me: We'll see. Which we all know means, "probably not."

Tuesday afternoon arrives, and it's been a crazy long day. All I want to do is get home as fast as possible, and procrastinate dinner preparation as long as possible.

In the car, on the way home ...

Megan: Mom, can we go buy the fake nails now?

Me: No, not today.

Megan: But I want to go get them NOW!!

Me: Sorry, Meg, but it's too late in the day and I'm too tired to go anywhere.

Megan: I WANT TO GO NOW!!

Me: I'm sorry, but we're not going NOW. Thursday's a holiday. We could go then.

Megan: NOT THURSDAY!! TODAY!!

Me: Thursday, Meg.

Megan: OH YEAH?! WELL IF WE'RE NOT GOING TODAY, THEN WE'RE GOING THURSDAY!!!

Me: Great idea. Why didn't I think of that?

Here's what she did with her fake nails a while back. I'm sure it's all the rage in Europe. Megan has a sense about these things ...

Thirsty?

Megan was selling these "Jungle Green" shots of water last night.

Surprisingly, she has some left over if anyone is interested.

And yes, those are communion cups.

Godly Taste Buds

Saturday the girls and I were on our own while Henry went to an audio trade show in San Francisco. What does that mean? Shopping and eating, of course!

After shopping, we settled on Chick-Fil-A for lunch. Megan chose a side of fruit, instead of fries. She loves fruit ... except for apples, that is.

Me: I'd love your apples if you're not going to eat them.

Megan: Okay, here.

Me: Thank you. Thank you for not liking apples.

Megan: Thank GOD. He's the one who made my taste buds.

Me: Right. I will.

And I did.

What was that?

My hearing is not what it used to be. Amanda was reading a Nancy Drew mystery book in the car yesterday, and had a question about a word that was new to her ...

Amanda: What does g-a-u-n-t mean?

Me: Gaunt means thin and sickly looking in the face.

Amanda: Oh, because it says, "He was tall, gaunt and had pointy breasts."

Me: Uh ... tall, gaunt and WHAT?

Amanda: "And was poorly dressed."

Me: OH, okay.

For a minute there I thought I was gonna' have to ban Nancy Drew books. I mean I'm sure there are tall, gaunt men with pointy breasts out in the world, but I'd rather my girls not know about them just yet.

The Skinny on Tight Jeans

Megan: I like your tight jeans, Mom.

Me: SKINNY jeans, not tight jeans.

Megan: Same thing.

Me: No, actually. NOT the same thing AT ALL.

Skinny jeans are trendy. Tight jeans are just too small. BIG difference. Am I right or am I right?

Backseat Bible Trivia

Megan got to choose a prize yesterday after school for helping our elementary art teacher. She chose a pack of Bible Trivia cards. You know what that meant? Bible Trivia on the way to every errand after school.

Megan: Who built the ark?

Me: Noah.

Megan: Who were the first two humans on earth?

Me: Adam and Eve.

Megan: How many A-P-O-S-T-L-E-S ...

Me: Apostles

Megan: How many apostles were there?

Me: 12

Megan: Which apostle doubted Jesus?

Me: Thomas.

Megan: Nope.

Me: Yes, haven't you heard of "Doubting Thomas"?

Megan: Sorry, that's not it either.

Me: Wait, does it say doubted or denied?

Megan: Oh! Denied. Sorry.

Me: In that case, the answer is Peter.

Megan: Right. Okay, what did the wise men give Jesus?

Me: Gold ...

Megan: Frankenstein and Myrrh, right.

Me: Uh, not Frankenstein ... it's Frankincense. There's a big difference.

Megan: Who cares.

Me: Well, one is a a monster, and one is a ...

Megan: Next question!!

Me: Wow (apparently I gave birth to the trivia natzi.)

Personalized

Megan: Mom, why don't we have a license plate that says, 'Dogs Rock'?"

Um, for several reasons. 'Dogs Rock', really? This coming from the girl who wants a bunny or hamster (preferably now, but definitely when her current puppies kick the bucket)? And if I DID get a personalized license plate, it would be something I actually wanted to be seen with. Don't know what that would be exactly, but it would be super-cool, just like me, I assure you.

Me: It costs extra.

Megan: That stinks.

Me: Yeah.

This is kinda funny ...

Is it Art or just Disturbing?

Megan carved her pumpkin with our fabulous sitter Brittany last weekend. I really thought that was it. Done. Yay.

Then it was Amanda's turn. She opted to do a Princess Potato Head pumpkin. This is how we decorated the girl's pumpkins a few years ago, and Amanda thought she'd like to do it again. So I left her to do it on her own.

What I didn't realize, is that while Amanda was creating her princess pumpkin, Megan was altering hers. I must say that I was somewhat alarmed when I saw this sitting on the kitchen table:

I'm sure Picasso's mother could relate to my reaction/concern.

New Breed

Megan: Mom, look at this Bowzer silly band that my friend gave me.

Me: Cute. What's a Bowzer?

Megan: This dog that the silly band is shaped like. What kind of dog is a Bowzer?

Me: I don't know. I've never heard of a Bowzer before.

Megan: But what kind of dog is it?!

Me: How would I know what kind of dog it is, if I've never heard of it before? I guess a Bowzer is a ... Bowzer. Wait, it kind of looks like a Schnauzer.

Megan: Oh yeah. THAT'S what I meant. Schnauzer.