Monday, July 11, 2011

Parental Testing

This was a post I started a few months ago, when the girls were still in school. I kept meaning to get back to it, but obviously never did ...

Nothing prepares you for parenting. Nothing. Not babysitting. Not playing with baby dolls as a child. Not working in the church nursery. Not playing with your nieces when they're young. NOTHING.

There should be a test for those considering parenting. An extensive test. Here's a sample of a test I completely failed. The sad thing is that it happened after I already had kids. Had I been given such a test prior to motherhood, I'm sure I never would have been allowed to be a parent ...

Okay, so here's the test: Go a week with only 5 hours of sleep per night, so you're super delightful every morning. Then make sure that you have at least one child who speaks whineese fluently and frequently. You also have to work full-time and after a very long day, you must help your 7 year old with a 16 page math contract that takes 3 HOURS TO FINISH, while doing laundry. Oh, and when your 9 year old can't find the homework she had completed just the night before, that apparently was due today, you must look all over the house (only to determine that it must be at school) while listening to the 7 year old call out for help on her never-ending math homework. Then when the 9 year old has the audacity to ask when you're going to make dinner, you say ... what? Wanna' know what my reply was? "Um, never? If you're that hungry, feel free to make something. I'm not Wonder Woman."

I know. Mother of the Year, here I come.

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