Admission

In the car, driving to the school where Amanda would be boarding a bus for a choir festival/beach trip ...

Me: Do you have chap stick?

Amanda: Yes.

Me: Did you pack sunscreen?

Amanda: Yes.

Me: Got your money?

Amanda: Yes.

Me: How about ...

Amanda: Mom, I can be efficient when I WANT to, you know.

Ah ha!! She admits it.

"Excuse Me"

Megan: Ew!! Amanda farted!!

Amanda: Get used to it.

Megan: At LEAST say 'excuse me'.

Amanda: I did.

Me: Uh, you said, 'get used to it'.

Amanda: Same thing.

Me: WRONG.

So very wrong.

A (baby) Step in the Right Direction

The other night during bedtime prayers with Meg ...

Megan:

Dear Jesus, thank you for this day.

I thank you that Mom is my mom,

and Dad is my dad,

and I guess that Amanda is my sister.

In Jesus' name, amen.

Hey - it's a start, right?

Never Assume

I used to let the girls pick out birthday gifts for their friend's parties. But it became too painful. They were more about looking at toys for themselves than for their friends, so now I just go buy a gift card and we're done.

Knowing that Megan has a birthday party to go to this week, I planned ahead and made a trip to Target on Saturday. I picked up a gift card, then went over to the gift wrap section to buy a little gift bag - because it's more fun to unwrap a gift card, in my opinion. On the way I passed some cute stickers and thought to myself, that will be nice ... to open the gift bag and find a gift card AND some stickers. Yay!! Then I found a birthday card and was on my way.

When I got home I showed Megan what I'd purchased for her friend. She said, "Okay thanks. Oooh! Cute stickers!!"

The next thing I know, she's taken the stickers out of their package.

Me: Why did you take those out of the package?

Megan: I thought you bought them for me to decorate the outside of the birthday card envelope.

Me: No, I thought it would be fun if she received some stickers with her gift card.

Megan: Oh, sorry.

Me: That's okay, I should have said something.

Megan: Here, there's still 1 sheet of stickers left that we can wrap up.

A few minutes later ...

Me: So should we use all 3 colors of tissue paper in the gift bag?

Megan: Sure.

Me: Okay, where's the gift card?

Megan: Inside the birthday card.

Me: Inside the sealed birthday card?

Megan: Yeah.

Me: Well, I guess there's no need for the gift bag and tissue paper then, is there?

Megan: What about the stickers?

Me: We're not going to wrap up a left-over sheet of stickers.

Right? Right.

Next time I'm just buying the gift card - period.

A Compliment, sort of.

This morning Megan came into my room just as I had finished getting ready for the day ...

Megan: You look pretty today.

Me: Thank you.

Megan pointing to my necklace: Well, mostly because of THAT.

Me: Got it.

Slaughtered

Every Thursday night I get to help Megan memorize her weekly Bible verse for school.

A couple of weeks ago the reference was in Ecclesiastes ...

Me: Okay, what's the reference?

Megan: Ecclipichicks 3:1

Me: What was that?

Megan enunciating more clearly: E-cclip-i-chicks 3:1

Me: You mean 'Ecclesiastes'.

Megan: That's what I said.

Me: No, actually, you didn't.

Megan: Well we don't get marked off for spelling on our memory verse, so I'm just going to write 'Ecclipichicks'.

Me: But why?

Megan: Because that's how it looks.

Me: Fair enough.

You Are How You Eat

Amanda: Did you see how that guy was holding his sandwich?

Megan: You mean with his pinkies up?

Amanda: Yeah.

Megan: He's probably from France.

Me: Because he eats with his pinkies up?

Megan: Yeah.

Amanda: He couldn't be from France. He was Hispanic.

And there you have it.

Homework Helper

Friday marks the end of the 3rd quarter for Amanda and Megan.

Megan was given the opportunity to raise her grades on a few (read: one inch packet!) less-than-stellar assignments. Some were incomplete, and some were just rushed through, resulting in many red check marks.

The task was daunting, and after completing her math packet for the week, trying to motivate her to take on The Beast (did I mention the thickness of this packet?!) was proving difficult to say the VERY least.

So as I saw her preparing for her meltdown, I had THE BEST idea ... BRIBE HER WITH SUGAR!!!

Me: How 'bout this ... there's one more Twinkie in the pantry. Why don't I get it, and then every time you finish one page, you get to take a bite of Twinkie?!

Megan: Yes! Go get it.

So I did. And it worked like a charm. And you know what? I'd totally do it again if I had to.

And yes, I'll be sure to let you all know when I'll be teaching my first parenting class.

Happy Pi Day!!

3.14

National Pi Day, apparently.

To celebrate, kids at school were encouraged to bring pies to share with their classmates.

So yesterday afternoon (3.13), I knew I'd have to stop somewhere to purchase a pie for each daughter to take with them to school the next day. The only question was where to buy the pies. Do I drive all the way to Marie Calendars, or just hit the closest grocery store? Yeah, the grocery store won. And then once we got there, I couldn't even drag myself from the car. Instead I asked my husband to take the girls inside to do my dirty work. What can I say? Daylight Savings really kicked my tail this time and I was EXHAUSTED.

Later that night, after the girls were in bed, I hopped onto Facebook where, get this, I saw postings of people actually BAKING PIES for the following day!!! Really? I can honestly say that the thought never even crossed my mind. I was trying to work around buying 2 whole pies ... but to send homemade pies with them??? Wow. I'm so not getting the June Cleaver Award this year. But it's cool. I'm much more of a Frankie Heck kind of mom anyway. And if you don't know who Frankie Heck is, you need to watch an episode of The Middle (preferably the one about Mother's Day), STAT!!

ANYWAY ...

Here's a funny blog that celebrates cakes gone wrong. And before Pi Day is over, you really should click HERE to check them out.

I Give Up ... again.

Megan loves to paint her nails. Unfortunately, she tends to paint them at the kitchen table, without any table protection. I'm always getting on her for this, shoving newspaper or an old place mat underneath her messy little hands, but it remains to be an issue.

The last time she painted her nails at the table ...

Me: Megan, you've got to put something under your hands when you paint your nails.

Megan: Sorry.

Me: Come on.

Megan: I said 'sorry'.

Me: Why aren't you using that manicure table thing I got you for Christmas?

Megan: I thought you said that was from Santa.

Me after an awkward pause: Yes, well ...

Amanda: Oooh, busted!!

Dang it.

Germs Glorious GERMS!!

Amanda was home sick two days this week with a nasty cough and fever.

After dinner one night, while she still had the fever ...

Amanda: Eww!!! Stop it!!!!

Megan laughing.

Amanda: MOM!!!!

Me: What? What happened?

Amanda: Megan just licked my mouth!!

Me: What?! Megan, why would you do such a thing?!

Megan completely elated with herself: To get her GERMS!!! So I can stay home from school too!!!!

I swear, if she gets sick, she's so grounded.

Bells Schmells

Megan came into my office at lunch time ... with a friend.

Megan: Mom, we have something to ask you.

Me: No play date today, sorry.

Megan: Wait, just listen, okay?

Me: Okay, but I think we've already talked about this.

Megan: Can you talk to her dad about her coming over to our house after school?

Me: What have I told you about ganging up on me with your friends?

Megan: Huh?

Me: Putting me on the spot in front of your friends?

Asking me IN FRONT OF THEM if they can come over for a play date THAT afternoon???

RING ANY BELLS?!?!?

Megan: Uh, I don't hear any bells, mom.

Ugh.

She's Bright

Henry: Megan, the light is on in your room.

Megan: Oh, sorry.

A few minutes later.

Henry: Megan, the light in your room is STILL on.

Megan: Oh, I thought you were gonna' turn it off.

Henry: Why would I turn it off?

Megan: Because I thought you were responsible.

Boy, she's good.

Pajama Problems

The other night, Meg had a little meltdown when it came to bed time and the putting on of pajamas.

Megan: None of these pajamas fit me!

Me: Come on now. None of them, really?

Megan: None!!

So one by one I held up the night gowns and pajama sets, and one by one she deemed them too small.

Lovely.

Me: Well, I wish I'd know this over the weekend so we could have purchased some new ones for you.

Megan: Just let me wear one of your night gowns.

Me: Mine are way to big for you, sweetie.

Megan: Well then let me wear that t-shirt you gave me that Amanda stole!

Me: What?!

Megan: Remember you gave me a pink t-shirt with that B-word on it, and I never got to wear it because Amanda took it?

I try and try to think of the shirt she's talking about, but I can't get past her description. Really? I had a t-shirt with the B-word on it?!?! And not only that, but I GAVE it to my daughter to wear?!

Then the light went on.

Me: OH!!! The t-shirt Grandma Judi brought me from BOSTON!!

The B-word is Boston!!

Megan: Yeah, that one.

Me breathing much easier at this point: Sure. Let's go get that one for you.

Sheesh.

The Role of Congress

Amanda: What is Congress?

Me: They make laws.

Megan: They make bras?

Me: LAWS not BRAS.

As far as I know.

Orange Chicken Secret Recipe

One more Panda Express story.

While Amanda was eating her orange chicken ...

Amanda: Mmmmm. This chicken is soooo gooood.

Me: Oh yeah?

Amanda: Yeah. They must serenade it a long time to make it taste this good.

Me: You mean marinade.

Amanda: Huh?

Me: It's marinade, not serenade.

Amanda: Whatever.

Of course, I'm not Chinese, so what do I know? Maybe they DO serenade their orange chicken.