Bloody Funny

While grating cheese one day, I grated part of my thumb along with it. Have you ever done that? If not, I do not recommend it. Pretty painful. And disgusting.

Amanda was nearby when it all went down, and ran to get me a bandage. It's almost completely healed now, thankfully.

I guess the incident made an impression on Amanda, because several days later she was still talking about it ...

Amanda: Mom, remember when you shredded part of your thumb with the cheese?

Me: Yeah.

Amanda: Wouldn't it have been funny if there had been bloody skin mixed in with the cheese?

Me: Um, sure. Real "funny".

Amanda: Well, maybe not that funny.

Me: Yeah. Maybe not. At all.

No More SWIMMING!!

Now that the summer weather is actually hot, the girls are all about swimming, swimming and more swimming.

This past Saturday they swam all afternoon.

During dinner, they began asking if they could go for a night swim. I told them "no", because they had to get to bed early in order to be up on time for church.

Megan: What if we only swam for 20 minutes?

Me: No.

Megan: 19 minutes?

Me: Megan. You're not going swimming tonight.

Megan: Why not?

Me: I already told you ... you need to get to bed early tonight, because we're getting up early tomorrow.

Amanda: What if we go skinny dipping?

Me: You really think I'd let you swim ... as long as you go skinny dipping?!

Megan: Okay!!!

Me: NO!!

Sheesh!

Priorities

One evening last week, the girls really wanted me to go swimming with them after dinner.

As I was washing the dishes ...

Megan: Mom ... are you COMING??

Me: When I'm done with these (dishes). I can't just leave them all out on the counter.

Megan: Well when I'm an adult, they'll wait 'till the next day! Especially when swimming is involved.

Obviously the whole "teaching by example" method is workin' like a charm.

LIFE: Game vs Reality

After playing the game of LIFE one afternoon ...

Amanda: Mom, guess what?

Me: What?

Amanda: I went through the entire game without getting married OR having children.

Me: Congratulations?

Amanda: No! I wanted to get married and have children.

Me: Why?

Amanda: Because you get PAID when you have children.

Me: You do? How much?

Amanda: $5,000 for each kid!

Me: Wow. Now that's incentive. Of course I never got paid for having you.

Amanda: Mom, this game is better than real life.

Me: Obviously.

A Child's Concept of Time

So I mentioned that we were on vacation last week. In past years (when the girls were still in diapers and whatnot) it's taken us up to 8 hours to travel from Fresno to Escondido (near San Diego).

I'm happy to say, we've made progress! We only stopped twice this time, and made it there in 6.5 hours!! Wow! Never thought I'd see the day.

Well, you know how it goes with kids ... "Are we there yet?" "How much longer?" "How many minutes now, Dad?" Or my favorite question from Megan, "How many 1/2 hours 'till we get there?"

Two hours into our trip, we reached a point where we could either stop for lunch before going over the Grapevine, or wait until we got past the Grapevine. Amanda was engrossed in a movie, so I asked Megan ...

Me: Meg, do you want to eat lunch in about 20 minutes? Or wait an hour to get lunch?

Megan: I can wait.

So we kept driving. Of course, 30 minutes after telling me she could wait an HOUR ...

Megan: Mom, can I have lunch now?

Perfect.

A (failed) Lesson in Modesty

The other night Megan walked into my bedroom as I was changing into my pj's. As soon as I saw her, I went into modesty mode, trying to get the top on without exposing anything(s) ...

Megan: Why don't you take your bra all the way off, Mom?

Me: Because I'm trying to be modest, by not showing everything.

Megan: I show everything all the time and I'm not modest.

Me: My point exactly.

Oy vey.

Oh Mii Oh My

I think my girls enjoy making "Miis" on the Wii, more than actually playing the games.

If you don't know what a "Mii" is, it's a character you create on the Wii. (If you don't know what a "Wii" is, please Google it. If you don't know what Google is, please get some help.)

The other day Megan and Amanda were talking about Meg's latest Mii creation ...

Amanda: What about Peeonearth?

Me: What did you say?

Megan: She asked me about my Mii, Peeonearth.

Me: You named your Mii "Pee on Earth"?!

Megan: Yeah.

Me: WHY?!

Megan: It's the only name I could think of.

Seriously?

Here are some of their other Mii creations:

Things that Matter

We were away on vacation last week. Went to Southern California where the weather was in the high 60's to mid 70's most of the time.

Well, vacation is definitely OVER. We're back in the Central Valley where the heat reigns. So sad.

On the drive down, the girls were playing with a set of magnetic Tangoes. Do you know what those are? They come with 7 shapes, and pictures of animals or objects, and you're supposed to recreate those images with the 7 shapes. (The pictures are black, with no hint of any lines where shapes begin and end, so it's actually kinda' hard.) It can be really fun, if you're in the mood. Otherwise, it can be total frustration.

While the girls were playing, Megan called for my attention ...

Megan: Mom!

Me: What?

Megan: Two things.

1: Amanda said I'm not smart, and

2: Look! I made a lighthouse without even looking!!

I love that she put those 2 items at the same level of importance. I don't even think she realized that the fact that she made a lighthouse with those shapes without looking totally invalidated what her sister had said about her. Or maybe she did realize it. Nah.

Coordination

Before Henry left for work one afternoon (on his day off ) ...

Me: So you workin' late tonight?

Henry: Oh yeah.

Me: You gonna' break for dinner, or are we on our own?

Henry: I could break for dinner. We could coordinate something.

Megan: Yes. Definitely coordinate something. Well, if "coordinate" means "love".

Is that what the kids are calling it these days? ;)

Banana Break

While eating a banana ...

Megan: What are bananas made of?

Me: Bananas.

Megan: Yeah, what are they made of?

Me: Bananas are made of bananas. Why? What did you think they were made of?

Megan: I don't know ... pig or something.

Me: Not last I checked.

BTW: Taking a week off ... will resume blogging June 20th. :)

Family Transport

Megan: The back of our car says 2012!!

Me: Yes. That means it's registered until 2012.

Megan: When did you get Fireball anyway?

Me: Fireball?

Megan: That's what I named this car. I named dad's car Daisy.

Me: Huh. I didn't know you'd named the cars.

Megan: So when did you get Fireball?

Me: 2005. You were only 2 years old at the time, so this is probably the only car you remember.

Megan: And before this one, Amanda said we had a green van.

Me: We did. And I tried to point it out to you one day, but you weren't interested.

Megan: Yeah, I won't be interested until I'm 17.

Me: Alrighty. I'll be sure to mark that on the calendar.

Too Much Power

Mother's Day is always on a Sunday. Why is that? Sunday mornings are very full and very early for our family. As such, if I don't get a Sunday afternoon nap, Sunday evening is not pretty. Without proper rest, one might mistake my behavior for that of a cranky toddler.

One Mother's Day a few years back, I told the girls I was going to lay down for a nap. They were old enough by that time to keep themselves occupied for a couple of hours, so I retreated to my bedroom for some much needed rest.

After about 20 minutes, and just as I was settling in to my nappage, Megan came in to tattle on Amanda. I don't remember Amanda's offense, but I do remember it didn't compare to the irritation of her interruption. I dealt with Amanda (yelling from my bedroom, if I recall) and tried to resume the slumber position.

After another 20 minutes or so, Megan came back in whining about something else. Again, I don't remember what she was whining about, but I do remember whining myself afterwards.

Yet another 20 minutes later, Megan came in yelling and crying about something Amanda had done. Something I truly didn't care about AT ALL. It was at this moment I realized I was not going to get the one and only thing I wanted on Mother's Day ... REST. But rather than suck it up like a mature adult, I went off the deep end and (get this) thanked Megan for ruining my Mother's Day!! I KNOW!! What mother does that?! Sooo unnecessary, so uncalled for, so un-motherly!! Ugh!!!

Later that day I was talking to my mom on the phone, and I told her what I had said to Megan ...

Mom: Oh Honey, you can't tell her that.

Me: I know. I feel terrible. How could I say something so cruel to my daughter? And on MOTHER'S DAY no less?!

That's when my mom came through with this classic Judi-ism.

Mom: No, no, no. You can never let her know she has that much power! To ruin your whole Mother's Day?! Oh no.

Now that's a pearl of wisdom for ya.

It's the ONLY way to "Go".

Is there anything worse than being hit with the urge to "go" while in a public place? Or worse yet, while at work?! No one wants to be the one to stink up the bathroom, 'cause let's face it, even though it is a necessary evil, we still feel like it's something that should be done in the privacy of one's own home, right?

So what do you do when the urge hits at work, or in a store, or (heaven forbid) CHURCH? Do you just march right into that public restroom and do your business with authority? Or do you flush 10 times in an attempt to get rid of the stench before it spreads to the rest of the atmosphere? Or do you try and hold it (sometimes for hours?) Or, if you live close enough, do you high-tail it home to deal with it there, where any offensive odors are kept to yourself? It can be a stressful situation!

Well stress no more!! I have found a product that has revolutionized the way I eliminate in public restrooms! (And no, I can't believe I'm writing about this either. I do realize that I've stooped to an all time low. My apologies to my family.) Anyway! I saw this stuff in a catalog a couple years ago and was intrigued, but never went to the trouble of ordering it. Then one day I was in a CVS drugstore and there it was! So I bought it, and can I just say, it WORKS!

It's called "One Drop". The "drop" they're referring to is a drop of their miracle, odor-eliminating liquid. Here's how it works: Before sitting down on the throne, you squeeze one drop (two if you're skeptical ... or have the runs) of this scented oil into the bowl where it forms a layer on top of the water. (It has a delightful minty scent! So refreshing, people will thank you for going, I'm sure!) Then you have a seat and let 'er rip. Somehow the layer of minty oil on top of the water traps anything foul that slips below it's surface. I'm telling you, nothing but mint! It's truly an amazing product.

There. I hope someone out there appreciates my willingness to write about such a taboo subject in an attempt to help others. I'm not even getting paid for this! That's how much I care.

Nernnnns

The girls were in rare form Saturday night. Megan had tucked her dress into her leggings and was walking around saying she was a "Nern".

Me: A what?

Megan: A Nern.

Me: What's a Nern?

Amanda: It's a Nerd with a Nun's religion.

Me: Wow.

Megan: Are you gonna' put this on your blooooooggg?

Me: Only if you let me take a picture of you in your Nern outfit.

Megan: Okay!!

Later she brought in a napkin she had written on so I could see the correct way to spell Nern (I guess so I would spell it correctly on my bloooooggg? Though I don't know how to add the nerd glasses to the R like she did.)

At bedtime Megan informed me that her camel (Amanda) carries her everywhere, because as a Nernnnn, her feet can never touch the ground.

Megan: Oh, and Mom?

Me: Yeah?

Megan: My camel only speaks "cow".

Me: Amanda, did you know that you only speak "cow"?

Amanda laughing: No.

Megan: Well, you can actually talk normal, but you can only hear "cow".

Makes sense to me.

My Award!

Do you remember my diorama post? Click here for a refresher.

Well, school's out for the summer, but the teachers had to return after Memorial Day for an In-Service meeting. Before the meeting began, Megan's teacher stopped by my office to present this to me:

Yeah, I was pretty excited. A little embarrassed, but mostly excited.

Beards?

Megan: Dad, if you didn't shave, could you grow a mustache and a beard?

Henry: Yes, and I've done that before.

Amanda: Mom, were you married to him when he had a beard?

Me: No, but I wanted to be.

Perhaps I should clarify ... Henry's beard is not what attracted me to him. At all. I was interested long before the beard, during the beard, and then sometime after the beard, we got together.

Speaking of beards ... is this not disturbing?

Meg's Diet

I've cut sugar out of my diet. Unless I'm at a friend's house, that is, and I'm offered a homemade red velvet cupcake with cream cheese frosting (Thank you, Carla!)

Anyway, for dessert I've been having Trader Joe's Very Cherry Berry Blend frozen fruit:

Have you ever had frozen cherries? Oh my! Soooo yummy.

Tonight, after the girls had had their ice cream, Megan came over wanting some of my "dessert". I gave her a bite ...

Megan: Mmmm. That's gooood. I'm gonna' stop eating sugar too.

Me: Oh yeah?

Megan: Yeah. Except for dessert.

Me: Got it.