You know how when you go to the doctor for a check-up, and they ask you if you exercise regularly and eat healthy how you tend to fudge the truth a little bit? You DO do that, right? Unless, of course, you're one of those people who actually DO eat healthy and exercise regularly.
In my defense, my annual check-up is always right after the holidays, so while I might eat sort of good during the rest of the year and exercise 4-5 times a week as well, by the time February hits, I've pretty much partaken of every holiday treat offered to me as well as use every excuse in the book for living in a vegetative state.
Not that it even matters, because the doctor scale and cholesterol tests always rat me out. Although, MY doctor's scale is exactly 10 pounds more than my home scale. And I'm not trying to be funny here. I believe it's a total and complete conspiracy: They weigh you FIRST, and THEN take your blood pressure. That's a sure fire way to put someone on meds for hypertension if I ever saw one.
Alright, so my eldest had to have a check-up the other day before starting junior high (JUNIOR HIGH?!?! AAAAAAHHHH!!!!) The medical assistant took her stats, and then started asking her about her diet.
I went numb. Someone should have warned me that kids have to answer these questions too! I mean, I had NO time to coach her on her answers before the appointment!! This meant that she might actually (gulp) tell the gal what she's been eating while mom and dad are away at work!!
I held my breath.
Medical Assistant: So what did you have for breakfast yesterday?
Daughter: A waffle with Nutella!
Okay, now the Nutella commercials claim that this is a good source of ... of ... something, right? Protein maybe? Or was that the sugar they were praising? Ugh.
M.A.: And for lunch?
Daughter: Red Vines and Gummy Bears.
M.A. repeating what she just heard - overly enunciated: RED. VINES. AND. GUMMY. BEARS. Okaaaay, how about dinner?
Daughter: Taco Bell!!!
M.A. looking at me with mild distain: And what did you have at Taco Bell?
Daughter: A Doritos' Taco & Mt. Dew Baja Blast Freeze!! Oh yeah!
At this point, I should have just run.
M.A.: Alright, the nurse will be in for the exam and to talk to you about NUTRITION.
Which is exactly what happened. She talked about the need for more protein, fruits and vegetables, and I acted like this was the first time I'd heard anything about the concept of healthy eating. Seemed like the right thing to do.
The best part came later while she was performing the exam and my daughter exclaimed: This is WEIRD.
Oh. My. Word. I wanted to hug her and shout: THANK YOU!! Thank you for declaring what the rest of us women only dare to think! IT IS WEIRD!! There's nothing natural about having a perfect stranger exam all that stuff!! YES!! Three cheers for just saying it like it is, honey!! Ha!!
At least the nurse acknowledged that the exam was, in fact, WEIRD.
After that, she received 3 shots without shedding one tear, and we were on our way ... to Jamba Juice for a Strawberry Surf Rider smoothie.
Hey ... there's fruit in those. I think.