Monday, August 26, 2013

5:00 AM = MY TIME!!!

I am NOT, I repeat, NOT a MORNING PERSON. Forgive me if I've mentioned this 500 times before. After this morning, it bears repeating.

I've always been in awe of the woman described in Proverbs 31. Especially verse 15 which reads, "She gets up while it is still night ..."  At least, I USED to be in awe of that verse ... until I had children. Then I realized, that the only way to get ANYTHING done for yourself, or have any ALONE time, is to GET UP WHILE IT IS STILL NIGHT!!

This is why I hobble out of bed at 4:45 in the A stinkin' M. It gives me time to do what I need to do in the bathroom, then exercise, then shower and so on. As much as I despise mornings,  it's something I've just had to accept.

So today, after removing my pajamas, but before putting on my workout clothes, I stepped on the scale.

Now. Please tell me I'm not the only woman (or man?) in this country who weighs themselves in their sweet nothings first thing in the morning?! Everyone does this, RIGHT???  I'm going to assume you're all nodding your heads with me and yelling, "You bet your sweet bippy!"

Okay. I believe I've also mentioned before that our bathroom door does not lock, so if I ever want complete privacy, I have to remember to lock the BEDROOM door.

Of course, I pretty much felt like I was safe leaving it unlocked at 4:45 in the morning!!

I'm stupid.

Don'tcha know, RIGHT as I looked down at the number on the scale to see that I was actually down a pound (woo hoo!) HERE COMES MEGAN. SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?

She was quite nonchalant about the whole thing ...

Megan: Hi Mom.

Me:  Uh, hi?

Megan stares.

Me:  Thanks for knocking.

Megan:  Huh? 

I motion to my nakedness.

Megan:  Oh sorry.

It was then I realized that she was there to stay, so as quickly as I could, I frantically began stuffing my 43 year old body into the same workout shorts and sports bra I wore in my 20's. Sadly, I'm not even kidding, because why buy new exercise stuff when we all KNOW I'm gonna' be back to a size 4 in a few weeks? Clearly I'm all about attainable goals.

Me:  Did you NEED something?

Megan:  My alarm went off and it was all, "EEE-oh-EEE-oh-EEE-oh."

Me:  Yes, I heard it. Were you gonna' shower in here or what?

Megan:  Oh yeah.

Me:  Then why don't you get yourself a towel?

Megan:  Okay.

For the rest of the morning, I couldn't stop thinking about her expression as I clumsily stepped off the scale, all uncovered and stuff. I'm guessing she was looking at me, just like I looked at my mom so many years ago when I thought, "I will never look like that when I'm a mom."

I might as well break the news to her now. It happens to the best of us. We think it never will, but then one day you're shopping at a thrift store and the only jeans that fit your current body type, are from Coldwater Creek. And that's when you know ... you're all mom ... and you must ALWAYS LOCK THE DOOR.

1 comment:

  1. Too funny! Chuckling out loud here because I know the feeling!