Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Bags or Wrinkles?

Now that Amanda's in Junior High, the individual school photos are taken by a more up-scale photographer. I knew we were in a different photographic league when I perused the pricing.

Back when I was in school, the ONLY photo package that mattered, was the one with THE most WALLETS. Remember that?! You HAD to have a ton of wallet-sized photos to trade with all your friends!! Man, those were the days.

So get this: When I asked Amanda how many wallet-sized photos she wanted me to order, she replied, "Wallets? Who cares about wallets?"

WHO CARES about WALLETS?! I was floored. So much so that I mentioned it to a friend of mine who pointed out that there's no longer a need for wallet photos now that there's Instagram and Facebook.

Does anyone find this as sad as I do?  Let's pause for a moment of silence for the now unappreciated wallet-size school photo.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Okay, so the students were given a helpful hint sheet from the photographer to ensure a good picture.  I read the tips to Amanda:  

* Avoid patterned shirts
* Avoid bright colored shirts
* Avoid sleeveless shirts
* Go to bed early the night before and wake up early to minimize bags under the eyes.

Amanda: You should do that.

Me:  Do what?

Amanda: The bags under the eyes thing.

Me:  Gee thanks.

This self-esteem-boosting conversation reminded me of something that happened on our summer vacation.

We were walking an outdoor mall when a very exotic middle-eastern kiosk lady with to-die-for curly hair that hung perfectly across one eye, called me over. She was selling some scrubbing salts from the Dead Sea, as well as some anti-aging serum. To make a long story short, she wanted me to buy treatment for my under eye bags as well as for my crow's feet. Yeah. Nothing makes you feel better about yourself than having a complete stranger point out all your facial flaws.

I explained that I couldn't afford ALL of the product she was pushing, so she said,  "Let me ask you dis, Temi:  would you rather geet rid of de bags or de wrinkles?"

I froze. How does one choose between 2 such hideous imperfections as those? Bags or wrinkles? Wrinkles or bags? AAACCCKKKK!!!! I'm on VACATION!!! No Pop Quizzes are allowed on VACATION!!!

I turned to my daughters for help:  "Bags or wrinkles?! BAGS OR WRINKLES?"

Amanda:  Wrinkles, duh!

Wow, really? She didn't even skip a beat, just yelled out WRINKLES like it was an answer to her prayers or something.

Apparently aging in front of Amanda will be nothing short of humbling.

Pray for me.

Or send donations so I can go back and get that stuff for my atrocious bags.

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