I still don't like to cook.
I used to think that would change as I aged, but alas, I was wrong.
Yesterday I heard the dreaded question from Amanda ...
I'm hungry. What's for dinner?
Me rubbing my temples: I've got meat for tacos.
Amanda: Do you really want to get that fancy?
Me: No.
That's right, not only does she get that I have a strong aversion to putting forth any effort in the kitchen when it comes to meals, but she thinks tacos are FANCY!! LOVE HER!!
So we had hot dogs. Wonderful, easy, un-fancy hot dogs.
Our family had a lot going on tonight. Henry and I were supposed to be at a vocal recording in his studio at the same time Amanda had a school council meeting, and Meg had to entertain the sitter at home.
The plan was for Amanda to text the sitter from my phone after her meeting ended, so she could be picked up and taken home.
Since she would be texting from my phone, I figured it should sound like me doing the texting ...
Me: When your meeting is over, text Mrs. Coomber something like, "Amanda is ready to be picked up."
Amanda: So I have to talk in the 3rd person?
Me: Do you have a problem with that?
Amanda: It's kinda' creepy.
Me: Do what you want.
Amanda: Okay, how 'bout, "The sweet girl is ready to be picked up."
Me: Sure.
Tami likes that.
The girls and I are big Keith Urban fans.
Here are some of the lyrics to his song "Romeo's Tune" ...
Meet me in the middle of the day
Let me hear you say everything's okay
Bring me southern kisses from your room
Meet me in the middle of the night
Let me hear you say everything's alright
Let me smell the moon in your perfume
The other day in the car, Meg started singing this song a cappella.
Here are HER lyrics to the same song ...
Hit me in the middle the day
Let me hear you say that it's okay
Bring me southern pieces of your room
Oh yeah
Hit me in the middle the day
Let me hear you say that it's okay
Bring me southern kisses pieces from your room.
Mmmm.
Not all that different, but they struck us as pretty funny. I guess because we couldn't picture Keith telling a girl to hit him, and then tell him "It's okay". So I thought I'd be all sly and capture her version over my shoulder on my phone. The first video is her catching me in the act.
This 2nd video is her performance, fully aware that the camera was rolling.
My apologies if this was one of those "you had to be there" moments. As a family, we certainly enjoyed it. :)
I had to go to Walmart for something, and took Megan with me.
While we were waiting in the checkout line, I watched as she looked longingly at all of the impulse shopping items on display. Colored duct tape was a major draw, but then I saw her eye-balling some Bic lighters.
Megan: Ooh, if this one didn't have a skull on it, I'd totally get these.
Me: For WHAT??
Megan: For the computer.
Me: What exactly do you think those are?
Megan: Memory sticks?
Me: Um, no. Those are LIGHTERS.
Megan: Oh. Then I'd use them to light fireworks!!
Me: Right.
Notice that she didn't say, "Oh. Then I'd use them to light cigarettes." That's because we don't smoke. That's right. INSTEAD, we (and by "we" I mean "her father") allow her to light FIREWORKS on July 4th ... WITH REAL FIRE.
But we don't smoke.
I think I may have mentioned a time or two that I have an affinity for cookie dough.
This means that from time to time I make cookie dough, scoop it up into little balls and store it in the freezer so that I can bake eat it whenever the urge strikes.
A while back, Meg saw me snag a cookie dough ball from the freezer.
Meg: Again? MORE cookie dough?!
Me: I know.
Meg: Bet you're glad I don't like cookie dough.
Me: Yes, I am actually.
Meg: Why, so there's MORE for YOU?
Me: Well, I was gonna' say because it's bad for you, but yeah, what you said.
Ugh. Cookie Dough Police ... worse than a Hall Monitor any day.
It was the Monday before Halloween.
A Monday following a full weekend of NO SLEEPING IN.
A Monday following a week on my first-ever-old-person medication (at least that's what Amanda told me. Yep. If you HAVE to take a medication EVERY DAY, you are officially OLD.) Anyway, this medication kicked my tail. Side Effects = Dry Cough + TOTAL EXHAUSTION.
So after work Monday, I was basically a walking zombie without the cool costume when we stopped by Henry's office on our way home. Or so I thought.
Amanda: I want to go look for my Halloween costume, but Mom said 'No'.
It's true. I said 'No' because not only was I "Dead Mom Walking", but I'd also told her that we needed to wait for payday to go shopping for an over-priced costume. Of course, that didn't stop her from pleading her case to her father.
Henry then says to me WITHIN EARSHOT OF AMANDA: Well, maybe you'll get inspired to shop for a costume a little later.
So much for the spouse's support.
Me: Thanks.
So we headed across town, because Amanda had been studying Egypt in school and wanted to be Cleopatra for Halloween. To her credit, she'd gone online and googled "Inexpensive Cleopatra Costumes", and saw that K-mart had what she wanted. Unfortunately, I turned into the wrong parking lot and ended up at Party City, instead of K-Mart. And there was no way in you-know-where, that I was going to go back out on the road, wait at a stoplight and make a u-turn just to shop at K-mart. The way I was feeling, driving across the country would be equally taxing.
We walked into Party City, and I was instantly reminded why I hate Halloween. It's all that icky stuff ... skulls, scary masks, bloody whatevers ... just being in a store like that makes my skin crawl.
Nevertheless, we make it to the wall-o-costumes, and after Megan picks out a $10 set of cat ears & tail, I tell Amanda that she has to find a costume for $30 or less. (The reason for this is because I had been given some birthday money, and had purchased something that I'd changed my mind about, and had returned a couple days prior, and the $43 from that transaction was still in my wallet. Of course, I had no intention of telling Amanda this. I'm just letting YOU know how we had money to shop for costumes when I'd originally said we'd have to wait for payday to do so. No, I didn't lie. I just didn't think that I wanted to spend my birthday money on Halloween costumes for my girls. Apparently I'm selfish like that.)
So as we're staring at all the costumes, Amanda sees a Cleopatra one for $50.
Me: Sorry, that one's too expensive.
Amanda sighs. Then points to a Wizard of Oz 'Dorothy' costume for $30.
Me: That one's fine, but it doesn't come with red shoes. So as long as you're okay NOT having red shoes ...
Amanda sighs again. And again. Aaaand again. So I decided to give her a quick lesson in gratitude. I hadn't stooped this low in a while, but I was desperate AND ON MEDICATION.
Me: Just so you know, the only reason you're even able to pick out a costume tonight, is because I happen to have some of my BIRTHDAY MONEY in my purse. That's right. I'm going to use MY BIRTHDAY money on a COSTUME for YOU. So THAT is why you only have $30 to spend. That is ALL the BIRTHDAY MONEY I HAVE LEFT.
As I stood there with my arms folded across my chest, waiting for the weight of my words to sink in, I saw her heave a bigger sigh than even before.
YES!! Mission accomplished!! GUILT TRIP TAKEN!!
Amanda: Fine. But there's nothing good here for $30.
Oh. My. Word.
If there's a "Parenting through Manipulation" course out there, I definitely need to enroll, because I'm obviously doing it ALL WRONG!!
