Tantrums

It was a rough afternoon for Meg yesterday.

I blame it on Easter break. Well, not on the break itself, but on the having to go back to real life after Easter break. How dare they.

I don't even remember all that went wrong after school yesterday, but I do remember that nothing went right once we arrived home.

Nothing I did was right in Megan's eyes:

1) I made her do her one reading comprehension worksheet that she put off until the last day.

2) I didn't allow her to watch TV while doing her reading comprehension worksheet.

3) When I sent her to her room after yelling at me, I didn't allow her to take the phone with her to chat with her friend while being punished. (And I'm so glad I didn't, because that allowed her to yell at the top of her lungs, "Let me out! Let me out! Let me out!" Which I'm sure sounded like perfect parenting to our neighbors.)

The list could go on and on (and on and on and on and ...)

When she finally emerged, her first order of business was to throw a tantrum. I was trying to help Amanda on one of her homework questions at the time, so I really didn't give her the attention she was hoping for, which meant it was time to throw herself over the arm of the couch. This apparently didn't go as planned, because painful cries followed.

I asked her what happened. She said she hurt her back.

Amanda took that as her cue to say something to the effect of, "Well that's what you get!" To which I gave Amanda the "zip it" look. Amanda's response to this was a sassy head bob with eye roll that absolutely cracked me up. I KNOW. SUPER BAD TIMING. But I couldn't help it, I started laughing, and so did she, which of course Megan took as us laughing at her, so naturally she ran back to her room yelling that we both hated her.

GOOD TIMES!

All of this brought back a Megan memory. She's always been a tantrum thrower, but thankfully, they've lessened (somewhat) over the years.

One time, back when she was 2, she threw herself face first onto the tile in a fit of rage. That must have hurt something fierce, because every time after that, she would always look around for a soft, carpeted spot to throw herself down on before fully engaging in her tantrum.

I miss those days. Kinda. :)

Busy WHAT?

The other day Megan was all about using my cell phone.

She called my work phone 3-4 times from the hallway after school. Then on the way to Henry's office, I stopped another office where she felt the need to call him on his cell phone. Once we caught up with Henry, she said she was thinking about calling me on my cell phone next. Henry told her that wouldn't work because she would be calling herself. She didn't really understand, but took his word for it.

Later in the car ...

Amanda: What would have happened if Megan had called your cell phone from your cell phone?

Me: She would have either gotten a busy signal, or my voice mail.

Amanda: A busy what?

Me: A busy signal. What? You've never heard of a busy signal before?!

Amanda: Nope.

Me: You know, when you call and hear that annoying 'Eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh'.

Amanda: Uh uh.

Me: That's just sad.

Can you even believe that?! There's a generation out there who has never heard a busy signal or even knows what it is because all they've ever known is CALL WAITING!!!

AND they'll never have to ask the operator to do an Emergency Break Through ... remember those?!

This realization made me think of this clip from Conan O'Brien:

Everything's Amazing and Nobody's Happy

Angel Baby Accessories

In the afternoons, I pick up Megan and her friend Hunter from school.

Most of the time, Megan does all the talking. Some of the time, Hunter gives his 2 cents.

I love it when he does that ...

Megan: I wish I had died when I was a baby so I'd be in heaven right now.

Me: Why?

Megan: 'Cause then I'd have a halo and wings and a gold diapey.

Hunter: No, I don't think so.

Me: You don't think there are diapers in heaven?

Hunter: Not that ... I think if you pee'd it'd ruin the gold.

Me: Good point.

Easter 2011

When you sing in a church choir, Easter morning begins EARLY.

When you have children, THEIR Easter morning begins EARLY.

The only thing you have in your corner to lure them out of bed that early (read 5:45 AM), is the almighty Easter basket. Unless, of course, this happens ...

There I was, tossing and turning in bed, worried about oversleeping, when I heard Amanda get up and start riffling through her basket. I looked at the clock ... 3:30!! You've GOT to be KIDDING ME. So sure enough, when the time came to wake the dead, Megan got right up because, hello? She wanted to see what was in her Easter basket! Miss vampire daughter, however, would not be moved. Lovely.

So I focused on getting Megan ready. I took her Easter outfit off the hangers and left her to get dressed. When I came back a couple minutes later, she announced that the skirt was too big, so she had to wear something else. Of course, this news came only AFTER I'd removed the tags.

Me: Uh, the skirt fit fine in the store, so what happened?

Megan: I don't know.

Me: Well I didn't schedule any extra time this morning for picking out a new Easter outfit. After thumbing through her closet, I came to the dress she wore for her Christmas program, that thankfully was not red and green, but black and white. Unfortunately it was also way too short, but she's 7 so she can get away with it, right? How 'bout this one, Meg?

Megan: Good.

Me: Good.

I went back to Amanda and somehow gathered enough resurrection power to pull her from her bed. I then pointed out her Easter basket. She told me she'd already gone through it. I said, "Yeah, I know, at THREE THIRTY A.M.!" She grinned and then proceeded to show me all the stuff in the basket, as if she still believed the Easter Bunny brought it all instead of me and as if we had any time left AT ALL, which we did NOT.

Somehow we got to church on time, and without anyone getting spanked which is always nice. After singing at 4 services, we headed home for lunch and an Easter egg hunt.

After that came MY Easter basket equivalent: A 3.5 hour nap!!

And if THAT weren't enough, we went OUT for Easter dinner!!!

So let's recap:

Got to church on time without having to spank anyone.

Got to sing ... A LOT.

Got to provide an Easter egg hunt for my girls.

Got a serious nap.

Got to go OUT for dinner instead of cook.

Yeah, pretty much a perfect Easter.

Spring Break!

Spring Break at the Grimmius house.

I know. CRAZY. And this is just what happened in the TUB.

It will be kinda' nice to get back to the daily routine tomorrow, which includes clothing.

Peace out.

Rats!

Henry and I got to go out last Friday night and hang out with (drum roll please) ADULTS!!

The girl's sitter asked if she could bring along her pet (drum roll, again, please) RATS to entertain the girls that night, and I said YES. I know. I can't believe it either.

When we got home, the girls were each holding a rat. They held them all night apparently, except for when they ate dinner. I knew by the looks on their faces that they were completely smitten. If that's even possible. We are talking about RATS here. (No offense, Bethany!)

We finally got the girls to bed after hearing their 20 minute case on why we should let them get pet rats. Their strongest argument? Rats only cost $1.75 so they could buy them with their own money.

The next morning, RATS were on the brain. Megan and Amanda WOULD. NOT. STOP. TALKING. about them. They begged and begged to just go to the pet store and "look". By this time I was ready to do anything (except purchase rats) to get them to zip it already, so off we went.

MISTAKE.

First of all, EW!! Have you ever seen newborn rats? They look like little embryos. Here, LOOK:

Second of all, they're RATS, and rats have long TAILS. I tried to point this flaw out to my girls, but they just argued that God gave them long tails for balance. STILL.

Okay, so we're in the pet store and they will not let down on their mission to go home with rodents. I kept telling them that I would never bring home a pet without talking to their father first. Of course, that just made them beg me to call Henry, which I refused to do.

All the way home, they begged. For several hours after returning home, they begged. I finally told them that if I heard one more plea for rats, THERE WOULD BE NO RATS.

I was amazed at how quickly they got the message this time. It was so nice to finally converse about something else!

Then Megan handed me this:

And several minutes later, she handed me this:

She's a smart, cookie, I'll give her that. I told them I didn't want to hear any more pleas. I didn't say anything about reading any more pleas.

As I tucked the girls in bed, they both reminded me to ask Dad as soon as he got home if they could get rats.

I did this.

He said 'No'.

When the girls found out Sunday morning that there would be no pet rats in their future, they had total and complete meltdowns. Megan later announced that she would be buying one anyway.

Good to know she respects our decisions.

Patience NOW!!

The girls had sleepovers Tuesday night. Amanda went to a friend's house and Megan's friend came to our house.

Can I just say, I'm too old for this!? It's exhausting trying to be a fun mom ... with kids around, that is.

Now staying up late is A-Okay with me, as long as you sleep in the next morning! What is the deal with kids waking up early when they don't have to?! It's Easter break, people! SLEEP IN!!

Alright, so we take Megan's friend home the next afternoon and on the way back to our car, Megan stubs her toe. She's brave about it, but I can tell she's hurting.

Me: Are you okay?

Meg: Uh ... yeah.

Me: Would a Vanilla Bean Frappuccino help? (Because a Coffee Frappuccino would certainly help Mommy!)

Meg: Yeah!

There was a Starbucks not 3 minutes from her friend's house, so within 3.5 minutes, we had ordered our drinks and were waiting behind ONE car in the drive-thru.

About 3 minutes into our wait ...

Meg: Hurry UP, PEOPLE!!

Me: Megan, this is an opportunity to show patience.

Meg: I don't WANT to show patience, I just want my Frappuccino!

Me: I know. It won't be much longer.

Okay, I was wrong. 3 more minutes pass, and now I'm trying to figure out how many people are ordering drinks in that car ahead of me (the car with a sticker on its back window advertising their home church. This, by the way, is why I don't have any kind of church sticker or fish emblem on my car, because someday I might be the one holding up the Starbucks line, and I don't think that is a very good witness. ;)

I kid you not, 3 more minutes pass. Can you even believe this?! For ONE car. And those Christians were just sitting there laughing it up while we waited, and waited, and WAITED PATIENTLY!!!

Then I saw it ... EIGHT drinks were passed through the Starbucks' window and into their car! Yep, I counted, because that's the Christian thing to do. Isn't there a drive-thru drink limit? You know, like the express check-out lanes at grocery stores? Well there should be.

By the time I pull up to the window it had been 10 minutes, and the poor Starbucks employee was obviously frazzled. She handed me my drinks and said that they were free because the wait had been so long. I assured her that she didn't have to do that, but she insisted.

So I thanked her and pulled out into traffic only to hear Megan gasp 5 seconds later. I look back to see half of her Frappuccino dumped in her lap. ARE YOU EVEN KIDDING ME?! We wait 5 HOURS for these FREE drinks only to dump them out?!?! Whose lame idea was it to get these dumb drinks in the first place????

Yeah. Good times. Good - Christian - Teachable Moment - Times.

I pulled over and, thankfully, had a container of Wet Wipes in the glove compartment (which never holds gloves, btw), that I almost emptied in my attempt to clean up the sticky frozen mess.

The best part? The entire time I'm cleaning, all I hear ringing in my head over and over, (kinda' like that Brady Bunch episode where the boys break Carol's vase ... Mom always said, "Don't play ball in the house." Mom always said, "Don't play ball in the house.") was:

"This is an opportunity to show patience!"

"This is an opportunity to show patience!!"

"THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO SHOW PATIENCE!!!!"

Patience is so overrated.

Cleavage

My girls are so blessed to receive hand-me-downs. For church this past Sunday, Amanda wore a cute little sundress she'd been given the week before. I suggested that she wear a tank top underneath as the neckline on the sundress was somewhat plunging.

As we were walking into church ...


Amanda: I don't like the tank top under this sundress.

Me: I think it looks cute.

Amanda: I've never seen anyone else wear a tank top with a sundress before.

Me: I see girls wear them under sundresses all the time.

Amanda: What's the point anyway?

Me: To cover up cleavage.

Amanda: I don't even know what that IS.

Megan: Wait, does it have something to do with armpits?

Me: No.

Megan: Okay, boobs?

Me: Yeah. That.

Creativity

We went to a couple of pet stores over the weekend. On the ride home ...

Amanda: How did God think of all those animals He made? Like hamsters, rats, parakeets ...

Me: I know. He's pretty creative, huh?

Amanda: Yeah. I wonder what He'll make next?

Megan: Probably a hipposaurus.

Me: Probably.

Forgetting

It was Saturday night and we were at the table eating dinner. And by "we", I mean me and Megan. Amanda was protesting dinner and taking it out on the piano in the other room, and Henry was working.

I looked over at Megan as if to say, "Can you even believe how your sister is behaving?" But apparently that's the same look I give before saying, "Uh ... are you going to say 'excuse me'?" Because the following conversation ensued after I gave her the look ...

Megan: Sorry, I forgot.

Me: Forgot what?

Megan: That I pushed one out.

Me: Pushed what out?

Megan: A fart. See? I'm always forgetting, because when I push it out fast, I forget in like 2 seconds that it happened.

Me: Okaaay.

Megan: I forgot AGAIN!!

Me: So ...

Megan: Excuse me.

Me: You're excused.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Speaking of forgetfulness, have you seen this cartoon?

Like vs Lick

My husband is Dutch, and some Dutch people like salted licorice. Henry would be one of those Dutch people. In fact, his favorite is DOUBLE salt (dubbel zoute) licorice, if you can imagine.

For someone like myself, who doesn't even like black licorice, the thought of that stuff salted is just plain wrong. Here's a photo so you know what to avoid the next time you're at a Cost Plus World Market:

The other day after school, the girls and I stopped by Henry's office and he offered them some sugared licorice. Not salted, but sugared. Hmmm. Megan liked it. Amanda did not. I didn't even bother.

Henry: Amanda, you can't get the idea of what it tastes like by just licking it.

Megan: Yeah. I licked it and didn't like it, but when I chewed it all together, I liked it! It's kinda' like when I tried salad for the first time. I didn't like it because I only licked it.

Me: Uh, how could you even form an opinion on how salad tastes by just licking it?

Megan: Ranch.

Me: Ranch. That's it?

Megan: Ranch.

Soooo ... what can we take away from this conversation?

1) After licking lettuce, Megan thinks she doesn't like salad. 2) Megan does like black, sugared licorice because she was willing to venture out and actually chew it. 3) Black, salted licorice is evil.

Shredded Bubble Gum

Amanda: Today at the baseball game we got this super cool bubble gum! It was shredded and tasted soooo good.

Me: Oh, was it 'Big League Chew'?

Amanda: Yeah! How did you know?

Me: It's been around a while.

Amanda: How do they make it all shredded like that? Do you think they just take bubble gum and shred it?

Me: Uh, yeah?

She's making progress.

Easter Song

Me: How was chapel today?

Amanda: Good.

Me: Mr. Weimer did it, right?

Amanda: Yeah.

Me: He said he was going to show something from the Internet, what was it?

Amanda: It was an Easter song he really likes.

Me: Do you remember the name of the song?

Amanda: 'He's Alive'.

Me: Oh, that's one of my favorites.

Amanda: Well, we didn't get to hear much of it because his computer froze up.

Me: Bummer. I'll have to find it and play it for you.

Megan: What's the name of the song? 'He's In Love'?

Me: Uh, not quite.

For those of you who don't know the song, below is a link to Dolly Parton's rendition. It takes a while to get to the chorus (3+ minutes), but it's so worth it. I've sung this song in choirs before and have yet to sing or listen to it without crying during the chorus. Be blessed!

He's Alive

You WHAT?!

The other day as I was walking past Amanda and Megan sitting on the couch together ...

Amanda: Mom, Megan doesn't want me to tell you this, but *Joey kissed her at school today.

Me: What? Is that true, Megan?

Megan: Mmm hmm.

Me: How did that happen?

Megan: I dropped my pencil and he kissed me.

Me: Wait. You dropped your pencil, and then he went down to the floor and kissed you then? This kid's smooth.

Megan: Yeah, but he kissed *Amy too!

Me He's busy too!: Well, even so, you are too young to be kissing so you need to tell Joey that you can't do that anymore. Okay?

Megan shrugging: Okay.

I can't believe I was just telling her earlier that she is too young to be talking to boys on the phone. And all the while, she's already been kissing them! Lovely.

* Names have been changed to protect the "innocent".

Communication FAIL

Saturday night's conversation with Megan ...

Megan: Mom, am I going to Sunday School tomorrow?

Me: No, because you're singing in the 3rd service.

Megan mildly iriritated: But am I going to Sunday School?!

Me: I just said, 'No, because you're singing in the 3rd service'.

Megan frustrated to tears: Ugh! AM I GOING or NOT?!?!

Me: How else can I say it so you'll understand that you are NOT going to Sunday School tomorrow because you're singing in the 3rd service?!

Megan: You should have just said, 'NO'.

Me: Fine. NO.

Note to self: When answering Megan, LESS IS MORE. Sheesh!

OMGG?

It cracks me up when kids talk "text", you know, like with their mouth.

Isn't it supposed to be reserved for texting, not talking? Apparently my Megan doesn't get that because one of her favorite things to say to me is:

"Um btw, that means 'by the way' Mom. So, btw, what are we having for dinner?"

Yeah. Does saying "btw" really save the talker any time? I say 'no'. Especially when the talker gives the definition every time she says it (Yes, she does. Every time.)

The other day Megan started out a sentence with this gem ...

Megan: Oh my G.G.!!

Me: Pardon me?

Megan: Oh. My. G. G.

Me: What in the world does that mean?

Megan: Oh My Goodness Gracious.

Me: Oh. Right.

Well if she can make up OMGG, then I can make up OFTLOG! (Anyone care to guess what that stands for?)

Chess with Meg

In case you ever get to play Chess with Megan, she has her own names for the pieces.

Here's a list to help you out ...

Pawn = Bobble Head

Knight = Porsie

Bishop = Pointy Head

Rook = Crown of Wonder

Queen = Petunia

King = Bob

You're welcome.

Hairy Scary

On the drive home from school, we saw a man jogging. He was running in the same direction I was driving, so I saw him from the back (shorts, no shirt) but not the front. Megan, on the other hand, turned around to get a good look ...

Megan: Eewww!!

Me: What?!

Megan: That man has boobs!

Me: The jogger man?

Megan: Yeah! And they're hairy too!

Me: He has hairy boobs?

Megan: Yessss!! Eewww!!!

Me: Hey, don't knock it. What if your husband someday has hairy boobs?

Megan: No way. He won't.

Me: You never know.

Megan: Well, let me think about it.

Long pause.

Megan: I guess boobs are okay, but he'd have to shave them.

Me: Fair enough.

Before BFF's

When Amanda was about 3, maybe 4 years old ... before she knew the term 'Best Friend', or 'BFF', she came to me and did her best to express how she was feeling about her buddy Lauren, whom she'd known since birth ...

Amanda: Mom?

Me: Yeah?

Amanda: Lauren is my Best Hug.

Me: Yes, she is, isn't she?

Everyone should have a Best Hug.

P Who?

It's not uncommon to hear Meg singing a song around the house.

HOWEVER, I was a little surprised to hear this the other day ...

Megan singing, well, rapping actually: I wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy. I put my sunglasses on, gonna' hit the city.

Me: Excuse me?

Megan: What?

Me: What do you know about P Diddy?

Megan: Who's P Diddy?

Me: Sean Combs. The guy you're singing about.

Megan: Huh?

Me: I mean, Sean Puff Daddy Combs.

Megan: Who's THAT?!

Me: P Diddy.

Megan: Huh?

Me: Never mind.

I wonder if Mr. Sean Puff Daddy Puffy P Diddy Combs realizes yet how ridiculous he is.

From God's Lips

Wow. Thursday morning was bright and sunny!! On the drive to school, Amanda chose to look out the back window of the car instead of out the front windshield, so as not to burn her eyeballs to a crisp.

Amanda: Ugh! Why is it SO SUNNY?!

Me: I dunno, ask God.

5 second silence.

Amanda: He said because He felt like it.

Me: Well there ya go.